thelma313
Senior member
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2008
- Messages
- 892
- Country
- CA
- State
- Quebec
- City
- Montreal
I have not started a new thread in a long time. Part of me, just didn't want to get you all down and the other part of me didn't want my mom to feel sad in case she reads this. Today she told me that her heart feels broken and her chest feels tight and I feel the exact same way so I think it won't surprise her to read this. (I love you, Mom!)
It is just tearing me apart to watch my dad suffer now. He didn't get out of bed again today. He just doesn't have the strength. I feel a lot of sadness. Someone mentioned "anticipatory grief" and I think that I am feeling it very intensely now. That said, I also still feel brave and I promised my dad that I would take care of everyone as I know he worries about that.
I guess my mom and my sister and I have to find the strength to accept this reality. My dad has lost so much mobility. He sleeps most of the day and night and cannot remove his bipap except for a couple of minutes while he is transferred from the bed to his wheelchair which doesn't happen every day. His pain is being managed now but it still flares up every few hours. At least he experiences some relief from it.
Through all of this, my dad still expresses so much love. He holds our hands and responds to being kissed on the forehead and having his head stroked.
I just wonder what I can do to manage my heartbreak. I feel like maybe I need to find a therapist or something and I have no idea where to start looking.
I just hope I am not going to depress anyone with this post. I care about you all so much and I am so grateful to have found this forum. Thank you all, my friends!
Rosella
It is just tearing me apart to watch my dad suffer now. He didn't get out of bed again today. He just doesn't have the strength. I feel a lot of sadness. Someone mentioned "anticipatory grief" and I think that I am feeling it very intensely now. That said, I also still feel brave and I promised my dad that I would take care of everyone as I know he worries about that.
I guess my mom and my sister and I have to find the strength to accept this reality. My dad has lost so much mobility. He sleeps most of the day and night and cannot remove his bipap except for a couple of minutes while he is transferred from the bed to his wheelchair which doesn't happen every day. His pain is being managed now but it still flares up every few hours. At least he experiences some relief from it.
Through all of this, my dad still expresses so much love. He holds our hands and responds to being kissed on the forehead and having his head stroked.
I just wonder what I can do to manage my heartbreak. I feel like maybe I need to find a therapist or something and I have no idea where to start looking.
I just hope I am not going to depress anyone with this post. I care about you all so much and I am so grateful to have found this forum. Thank you all, my friends!
Rosella