lola64
Member
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2007
- Messages
- 20
- Diagnosis
- 06/2007
- Country
- CA
- State
- Newfoundland
- City
- St. John's
Hi all,
First, I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope everyone has a happy, peaceful holiday season out there.
I have a question.. and a few comments about caregiver burnout. I think my mom is finally there. The short version of the story is this.. dad has been diagnosed for almost 3 yrs now. For the majority of that time, I've been helping out however I can.. helping relieve her, to feed, move dad, etc. etc. Recently, I had a back problem and had to give myself some 'time to myself'.. I was becoming burned out at work, my boss was complaining about my mistakes, my personal relationship was very strained, I was moving into a new house, just outside life really. I had to reduce some time spent with my parents.. to 3 or 4 times a week visiting and shortening my stay. She was still getting out when she needed too.. but I guess my mom has taken this very personally and has now turned completely against me and my partner; ripping at me that I am 'never there' to help, etc. etc. That she will 'never ask me to do anything for them ever again, that this time next year Dad won't be around so I will have nothing to complain about anymore...' No logic really. It just makes me feel horrible and guilty. I understand she is scared. That she is tired. But I have been the only family member that has stuck by them this long. But she makes me feel so much guilt over every little thing. I cannot be her doormat any longer. Now she has blown this completely out of the water. And my poor Dad will be the one to suffer from it.
SHe has a long history of emotional instability. I have been worried about her mental health from day one with this caregiver role.. however, they both refuse to no end outside respite care, support groups, etc; they 'expect' that their grown children should be there to cater their every whim. And I agree.. to a point. We should be there to help. However, their expectations are very very demanding.. ,and even when I WAS there all the time, nothing is ever good enough. I finally stepped back for a bit for my own stability and now I will reap the emotional backlash.. for being there for them the whole time? Ugh. Anyone have any advice? Just words of encouragement? I just need something to keep going.. advice how to get some inner peace in the middle of all of this torment. I cannot lose another personal relationship, my job, or my inner sanity for their illogical unreasoning.
Heavy times friends. Thank you once again for listening to my rants
First, I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I hope everyone has a happy, peaceful holiday season out there.
I have a question.. and a few comments about caregiver burnout. I think my mom is finally there. The short version of the story is this.. dad has been diagnosed for almost 3 yrs now. For the majority of that time, I've been helping out however I can.. helping relieve her, to feed, move dad, etc. etc. Recently, I had a back problem and had to give myself some 'time to myself'.. I was becoming burned out at work, my boss was complaining about my mistakes, my personal relationship was very strained, I was moving into a new house, just outside life really. I had to reduce some time spent with my parents.. to 3 or 4 times a week visiting and shortening my stay. She was still getting out when she needed too.. but I guess my mom has taken this very personally and has now turned completely against me and my partner; ripping at me that I am 'never there' to help, etc. etc. That she will 'never ask me to do anything for them ever again, that this time next year Dad won't be around so I will have nothing to complain about anymore...' No logic really. It just makes me feel horrible and guilty. I understand she is scared. That she is tired. But I have been the only family member that has stuck by them this long. But she makes me feel so much guilt over every little thing. I cannot be her doormat any longer. Now she has blown this completely out of the water. And my poor Dad will be the one to suffer from it.
SHe has a long history of emotional instability. I have been worried about her mental health from day one with this caregiver role.. however, they both refuse to no end outside respite care, support groups, etc; they 'expect' that their grown children should be there to cater their every whim. And I agree.. to a point. We should be there to help. However, their expectations are very very demanding.. ,and even when I WAS there all the time, nothing is ever good enough. I finally stepped back for a bit for my own stability and now I will reap the emotional backlash.. for being there for them the whole time? Ugh. Anyone have any advice? Just words of encouragement? I just need something to keep going.. advice how to get some inner peace in the middle of all of this torment. I cannot lose another personal relationship, my job, or my inner sanity for their illogical unreasoning.
Heavy times friends. Thank you once again for listening to my rants