Old 05-23-2017, 07:01 AM #1 (permalink)
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Default more puns if you cn stand them

what's the definition of a will? (it' a dead give-away)

in democracy your vote counts. in feudalism your count votes.

a midget fortune teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

he had a photographic memory that was never developed.

every calendar's days are numbered.

that's all, folks ! !
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Old 05-23-2017, 04:03 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

brilliant, these are great
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Old 05-23-2017, 04:10 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

'Laugh out loud!!'
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Old 05-23-2017, 05:12 PM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

I'll throw a couple back:

I have a few jokes about unemployed people but it doesn't matter none of them work.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.
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Old 05-25-2017, 04:35 PM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.
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Old 05-25-2017, 04:43 PM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

Tillie! That's awful...grooooan. (hurries off to use it immediately)
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Old 05-25-2017, 11:21 PM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

I love the hokie-pokie one! And the will was cute too!

Angie
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Old 05-27-2017, 02:14 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

On July 2nd this year 182 days will have passed. On July 3rd there will be 182 days left in this year. 182 and 182 equals 364. There are 365 days in a year... ? ?

PS. "Here today... gone tomorrow." Maybe not... tomorrow never comes.

As we say the words "purchase and probably" shouldn't they really be pronounced...

"Purr - chase... and Pro - bab - lee."

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Old 05-31-2017, 02:43 PM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches
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Old 06-08-2017, 02:46 PM #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
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Old 06-09-2017, 12:07 AM #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

How many ears has Captain Kirk got?
Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.
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Old 06-09-2017, 01:09 AM #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

love the Captain Kirk one!

OK to try and keep it bouncing around:

A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
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Old 06-11-2017, 04:21 AM #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

Do you know why I make puns? Because it's my respunsibility.


therefore I will also add:


If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?

A garage sale is actually a Garbage sale but the "b" is silent.
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Old 06-11-2017, 08:17 AM #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

good one, Tillie.
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Old 06-11-2017, 08:21 AM #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: more puns if you cn stand them

So, it seems that puns will never die:

with her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

if you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
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