Old 05-18-2017, 03:49 PM #1 (permalink)
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Default Paraprosdokians

First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them.
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...
but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify..." I answered "a doctor."

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
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Old 05-18-2017, 07:52 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Paraprosdokians

V. good. Thx. Loved it.
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:30 AM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Paraprosdokians

Oh wonderful!

I like this one:

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

And this one I just heard in a book and wrote up on my board in the kitchen:

Intent cannot alter physics
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Old 05-19-2017, 08:26 AM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Paraprosdokians

Great, bkite and Tillie. Keep us smiling.
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Old 05-19-2017, 02:33 PM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Paraprosdokians

Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Old 05-20-2017, 03:31 PM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Paraprosdokians

Quote:
Originally Posted by affected View Post
Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I like the naughtier version... Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling after you push one down the stairs.
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Old 05-20-2017, 04:28 PM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Paraprosdokians

Quote:
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling after you push one down the stairs.
This tickles my very dark funny bone.
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Old 05-20-2017, 07:59 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Paraprosdokians

ooooh bkite that's delightfully evil!
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