When you worry about the little things...

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Jeff Long

Distinguished member
Joined
Jul 21, 2011
Messages
254
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2011
Country
US
State
NC
City
Raleigh
... the big things getcha!

So, last night I’m putting air in the tire of my van (which we haven’t driven since June 2013) when I see a wasp nest inside the wheel well.
Thinking “I sure as hell don’t want to get stung by one of them *****es!”, I ‘jump’ back to avoid that to which I am nowadays quite allergic.

I say ‘jump’ but it was really more of a 'flail'. With great stealth I avoid the wasp. Cool, I missed the wee little bug. Didn’t miss the big sedan parked in the driveway though. No, I hit that sucker hard while trying to regain my balance post-‘jump’. All I really did was leave a large, sweaty mark on the door frame where I glanced off the car on my way toward the driveway.

Now, I’ve been drunk a time or two, so I have learned how to fall with some measure of grace. Not for style points, but to avoid serious injury on those long walks home. Using that great skill, I twisted so my backside would hit before my face… nice for me!

Hit the driveway butt first, elbow second and back of the head third, all in quick succession, and with absolutely zero resistance. Smacked 'em all full force, no slowing down! Hurt like hell too, all three of them! Stayed on the ground for a minute, mocking the wasp for not being able to catch me, before I got up and told the kids “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” Thirty seconds later as I was throwing up I realized “fine” might be hopeful.

So, I have a concussion, my elbow is the size of my damn knee, and my backside hurts! But I didn’t get stung by that sneaky little wasp bastard!
 
Got to admire your humor Jeff. Do be more careful in the future though. Hard to sit on a sore butt
 
Lol, Jeff, glad your somewhat ok, but I sure needed that visual!
I do have a recommendation for your knee though..and elbow.. Cut strips of news paper long ways ( a bunch) soak those in apple cider vinegar. Once good and soaked, wrap them around your knee (don't ring them out) then put some swran wrap around that ( to protect sheets) and then an ace bandage for pressure, leave that on all night and it will draw the sourness out of your knee. Next day tadaaaaa, all better. ( except the ink from the paper will get on your skin, but other than that should feel much better) let me know if you try it..... And how it worked........
 
Lol, Jeff, glad your somewhat ok, but I sure needed that visual!
I do have a recommendation for your knee though..and elbow.. Cut strips of news paper long ways ( a bunch) soak those in apple cider vinegar. Once good and soaked, wrap them around your knee (don't ring them out) then put some swran wrap around that ( to protect sheets) and then an ace bandage for pressure, leave that on all night and it will draw the sourness out of your knee. Next day tadaaaaa, all better. ( except the ink from the paper will get on your skin, but other than that should feel much better) let me know if you try it..... And how it worked........

I tried it with the comics page... my knee is better but my funny bone is acting up!:razz:
 
>I tried it with the comics page... my knee is better but my funny bone is acting up!

LOL I feel your pain, but your humor more!

thanks!
 
At least you avoided thw wasp! One must value the small victories! ;)

Once you're done with the apple cider vinegar, go for the (hard) apple cider.
 
I just mangled a wasp in your honor!
 
It's so much better to laugh than cry!

This is exactly the kind of fall I fear. Have had many near misses, but seems inevitable.
 
Jeff, thanks for putting a smile on my face.

Debbie
 
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