Jokes Thread

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frankb

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I don't understand why the Jokes Thread was locked, so, let's start another ! !

The musical didrector wasn't happy with the performance of one of the precussionists. Repeated attempts to get the drummer to improve failed. Finally, in front of the orchestra, the director said in frustration, "when a musician just can't handle his instrument, they take it away, give him to sticks and make him a drummer!"
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "and if he can't handle that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
 
Thanks, Frank! Great start!

Hello Kiwisally!
 
Good one Frank. I will have to tell my girls that as they were all in the school band, 2 playing percussion.
 
Med school exam


Several young men intent on going to medical school; the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors ... The rest ended up in Congress
 
Good One Marypat!
 
great one, Marypat. I laughed yesterday and am laughing again today ! !
 
"Testicle Therapy"

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
 
Just read that one to my husband Marypat. He laughed out loud. I love it when he laughs out loud.
 
mine did too! glad to share the smiles
 
Hears one from "down under"



Kia Ora you fullahs (and gidday dingos)
Three Australians and three Maori's are travelling by train to a
Rugby match at the World Cup in England . At the station, the three
Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three Maori's buy just one
Ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
One of the Aussies. "Watch and learn bro," answers one of the Maori's

They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats
But all three Maori's cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
Collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket
Please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket
In hand. The conductor takes the ticket and moves on.

The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after
The game, they decide to go one better on the return trip and save
Some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station for the return trip, the Maoris buy a single
Ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy
A ticket at all!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed
Maori.

"Watch and learn bro, " answers an Aussie ...

When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and
Soon after the three Maori's cram into another nearby. The train
Departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves the toilet and walks
Over to the toilet where the Maoris are hiding. He knocks on the door
And says, "Ticket please."



Cheers :lol:

Peter
 
Tsk tsk! Good one!
 
Very good, guys! Keep 'em coming!
 
Good ones Marypat and Peter!
 
lov it peter!
 
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