PALS Humor

[boblandstar1]

> I am a PALS still hanging in 5 years after diagnoses. I need 24 hour care and I employ 4 privately paid caregivers. I like to maintain a casual and fun environment in my household. My caregivers have jokingly named the region between my waist and thighs as the "Stimulus Package". I thought i'd share my reality.

Unfortunately the "stimulus package" is an involuntary muscle and still works just fine. Involuntary is an understatement as it regularly and shamelessly proves it is capable of independent thought. Its propensity to "look around" goes beyond simple curiosity and borders on "evil genius" designed to cause maximum embarrassment. Comments such as "stand back, it might go off" and " don't point that unless you intend to use it mister" are common. Comments including such descriptive words as "little", "Cute" and "tiny" are discouraged. Words like "massive" "awesome" and "WOW" are condusive to "job security". It does however prove functional at bath time. Caregivers describe it as a "dandy" place to hang things like the soap on a rope and bath towels. Due to fears of liability from on the job injurys I had to include "heavy lifting" as a job requirement.

[halfin]

I can only say congratulations on keeping such a positive attitude! I hope I will be able to be as upbeat in your situation.

[tmasters]

I agree. "Keep it up" Bob! :)

[hopingforcure]

Bob,
Thank you for letting me know what is an INVOLUNTARY muscle.. Keep your sense of humor. Sounds like you make things light-hearted, keep it going

[mare]

This has been an ongoing joke for us throught our marriage. You know, "...honey really, I have no control! 'HE has a mind of HIS own' !"

ALS is proof - ladies, they really were not lying!!! LOL

A little CALS humor!

p.s.- I don't know why you say "unfortunately" ?!?!?

[GlenBrittle]

Perfect Bob. You make a good role model . Please keep that sense of humor.

Now I had a few twisted thoughts as I was reading your post.

a) Maybe this "Stimulus" is not so involuntary. We would need pictures of the 4 caregivers to make a proper assessment. What else do they do besides - um - stimulate ;)

b) Are they in for the day or night , or by the hour ? Can you claim their services on your taxes ?

c) Is your Stimulus package insured by Trojan ?

and the final thought : Doesn't BOB stand for Battery Operated Boyfriend ?

Glen

[mare]

Glen-
"I had a few twisted thoughts as I read your post".

SURPRISE ! SURPRISE ! SURPRISE !

[Al]

The Jamaican Maid

The Jamaican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was upset about this and decided to talk to her about the
raise.
She asked: 'Now Marie, why you feel you deserve a pay increase?'
Marie: 'Well, ma'am, three reasons why I want de increase.'
The first one, mi iron better than you'!
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Marie: 'Your husband says so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Marie: 'The second reason........ah cooks better than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Marie: 'Your husband again'
Wife: 'Oh.'
Marie: 'My last reason is that I am a better lover than you..'
Wife: (really furious now): 'My husband says that as well??'
Marie: 'No ma'am, the Gardener.
Wife: 'How much yuh seh you want again?

[Zaphoon]

Bob, I'll 2nd Tom's comment and say the same, "Keep it Up, Bob!"

Al, hilarious! Thanks for that one!