Fighting Depression

[dhudgeon@comcast.net]

How do you fight depression? There are times when I constantly cry over the lost of my previous life. I can no longer drive myself and am confined to my home almost 24/7. I am afraid of the future because I don't have a clue how my future will be, but I don't expect rainbows. Do any of you seek professional help? Does that help? Any other suggestions?

[GlenBrittle]

You don't need to suffer.
See a doctor about these symptoms.
Talk to therapist.
They have marvelous medicines for these issues.
Don't be afraid of your future.
So things are different , you have a new adventure now.

To hell with tomorrow , have some fun today.

Smile , they will think you are up to something.

Glen

[Micheline]

I fought it for months before asking. I didn't want to admit i was depressed. It helps, but let me tell you, there have been many recent days that it has been bad.

[dhudgeon@comcast.net]

Sometimes I feel so alone. I hate that you share some of my depressed feelings, but it is somewhat satisfying to know that I am not the only one or that I am not some ungrateful freak. My family always tell me to thank God for my blessings. They don't understand because they are all very healthy. I don't like talking to them about my health. Thanks for the response. It really helps coming from someone who has stood in my shoes.

Take care,
Deborah

[joelc]

I am sorry you are having trouble dealing with this. For me, it is just that easy - to thank God for the many blessings we still do have.

A long time ago I learned to not worry about the things I had no control over and enjoy today as much as I possibly could.
I know that sounds a way to simplistic for a lot of people to believe, but it is true.

Please don't robe yourself of today joys because of worrying about something you can do nothing about.

[Just J]

I agree with Joel...I try very hard to be thankful for today. I no longer think too much about the future because there is so much to think about today.

I do understand the depression side of this illness...as it happens to me and I'm the caretaker, not the one dealing with the major life change.

Please seek a professional to speak with and I'm sure it will do you some good. Please keeps all of us posted.

[drvcolombo]

My Mom was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago, and she cries everyday. Who wouldn't? She is taking Lexapro, but I think it takes some time to kick in. My family and I take care of Mom, and of course, we cry with her too. We allow a certain amount of the "pity party" and then we do our best to bring her up and look and all the good things in her life. PLS is devastating, and all our lives are affected. Of course, my Mom is the one who is living with this illness. If anyone out there has any suggestions, please share with the rest of us. We are sad for the life she used to have, but we MUST find the good in going on. We do our best to take "one day at a time". I think by crying and tensing your muscles, it causes more pain. At least it does for Mom. Our faith is definitely shaken, but we must keep praying. Getting out of the house, even for a breathe of fresh air and sunshine helps. Also, people visiting helps. When you sit home, and just think, the crying gets worse. Keep your spirits up and do whatever makes you smile, if only for the moment. Spend time with your family and friends. Try not to worry about what you have no control over, and just try to enjoy the now.

[paul318]

Grief is a perfectly normal part of coming to terms with having a chronic debilitating illness. I actually think it is an important part of coming to terms with what has happened to you and you should feel not bad about feeling down. It is normal. After a while you will find a way through it, even if you need help to do so. Life will never be the same but there are still many things that make it worthwhile. The big problem is grief can stop us from seeing them. People who tell us to be thankful think they are being helpful, but fail to see the depth of suffering. I am a Christian and have heard all of this before ( it is ok I am not going to preach!), but some Christians fail to see that grief and depression are common human experiences and God doesn't let us avoid them because we believe in him. There are many things you will learn about yourself and others through this terrible loss you have suffered.

The past three and a half years sometimes seem to have been just one long sequence of losses. First I loss my health and a job I really loved. Then there are the limitations that my illness puts on my life. I am fortunate because although I am limited in my mobility I can still get out. I just have to plan going out a bit more than I did before my illness. I have had moments when i have wanted to give in, but then I see the good things around me as well as the bad. I know I am fortunate as I have a loving wife and family. Losing my health has meant many changes for her too, and plans we had, have had to alter. I have coped reasonably well with my illness and even when I have been met with disbelief by doctors I have still tried to maintain my lfe the best I can. I do have a positive personality and I do try and see the good in things. I used to work with profoundly disabled children so disability is something that I have dealt with as a carer. When I feel down I think of what I have been able to achieve and what they never will be able to. Does this completely take away my personal pain? No not completely, but I would rather find things to be grateful for than be negative, and there is a lot to be negative about. I thought I had come to the worse time in my life and it couldn't get any worse. That was until last September, when the bottom dropped out of my life.

On the 9th of September 2008 I was busy on my computer when I heard a knock at the front door. I went to the door and was met by a young policemen. He asked to come in and said I should sit down. He then proceeded to tell me that a young man had been found dead behind some shops in a local town, and they believed it was my eldest son David. He had fallen from a flat roof and suffered massive head injuries and died instantly. There are still many questions about his death that are unanswered and we are still waiting for the inquest. I then had the unpleasant task of having to get my sister in law to drive me to my wife's place of work to break the news to her. I will never forget her scream of grief; it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

In my opinion there is nothing worse than losing your child. The grief was unbearable. I was angry with God for taking him and really didn't want to continue with my life. The only thing that kept us going through that dark time was our little grandson and the rest of our family. I tried to deal with my grief the same way as I always have. I tried to be grateful for the things that I had. I was grateful I had the privileged of being David's dad, that he never suffered any major illness, that he was so loved (over 300 people were at his funeral and hundreds of messages were left on a tribute page someone set up on Facebook. David lived his life to the full. He loved his music and art, he loved to go out with friends and party, he was funny and had a zany sense of humour. He too worked as a carer and was well respected because of the kind respectful way he looked after those in his care. All of these things I am grateful for.

My pain from losing him is still great. I still cry at times, but less than I did. There is hardly a minute that goes by when I don't think about him. Looking at a picture of him or seeing videos of him playing with his band is still too difficult. I am not grateful for losing him. I would have gladly taken his place. But I am grateful for having known him and being able to call him my son. I am grateful that he had a good life and never suffered illness, I am grateful he did so many of the things he wanted to do, I am grateful that I have so many good memories of him. So many people never even have what David had and I am grateful he never suffered the things they suffer. There are many things that leave me bereft too. The things he won't do like being a father, seeing his dreams fulfilled. I miss not being able to chat with him, his smile and sense of humour and I long to put my arm around him and tell him how proud I am. But dwelling on my loss doesn't change things, nothing can bring him back. I would rather dwell on the good things and be grateful than to dwell on what I have lost. I still have times when grief overwhelms me, but I know this is all apart of the healing process and I am easy on myself.

Grief is a terrible thing. Whether you experience it because of losing your health or losing a loved one. But it can be healing and lead you to places you never thought you would go. You don't need people telling you to pull yourself together when you are grieving, you just need to know they are there and will listen. In the end nothing anyone can say will take away the pain.

Paul

[Connie]

My goodness Paul. Your thoughts and feelings are so beautifully expressed and so helpful to all of us. Take care of yourself and I am very sorry for the loss of your son, David as well as having to cope with your other losses and those of your family. God bless you.

[Wynn]

This may sound a little flippant after Paul's telling about the loss of his son: I saw one neuro a few times and pinned him down on whether I had ALS or not. He referred me to another neuro (she had completed internal medicine, neurology, and neurophysiology residencies). I saw her a few times, and tested me for a lot of things including Kennedy's disease (all you males out there who are not completely satisfied with your diagnosis, you might consider being tested for KD--it is like PLS--most doctors have never heard of it before). She ended up telling me that my symptoms were so complex (I have essential tremor, neuropathy in my feet, bulbar onset, etc.) that she is referring me to where she did her last two residencies--the UT Med School in Dallas. I asked her what she really thought I had. She replied, "I'm leaning 60% to ALS." I could feel my face flush when I heard that. I spent a whole day at the med school the first day, and when I left that evening they told me they were sure it wasn't ALS. I have since tentatively been diagnose with PLS. The point I'm trying to make is: It felt good now that it had quit hurting--I was thankful for small favors. I am anything but depressed. It could have been so much worse.

[hopingforthebest]

Dear Deborah:

Wow, you really got a lot of help with your question about depression and they were all so helpful to all of us. So very sorry that you have ALS but as others have said, it is all a process of grief. I am the caregiver of a wonderful husband that has ALS. I too grieve at times for things of "yesterday". When I feel that way, I sometimes take a shower and just let it go. I cry the entire time the water is on, and I mean cry! As soon as I am done letting it go, and the water shuts off, I wipe my tears and get on with things. Honestly, this helps me so much. I know God collects all my tears so someday, He will show me the gallons He has collected with my name of them.

I too am so grateful for just having my husband and for sitting and watching a movie that I rented that he will enjoy or maybe just looking out the back door and watching the hummers or goldenfinches that have come to entertain him. Life has changed as we once knew it, but we are thankful for each day.

Agree with those that have gotten help from doctor for meds to take the edge off.
Will keep you in prayer today Deborah, I promise.

Patty

[mare]

Patty,

DITTO !