Sorry to bother, but having a hard time again

[sironside]

This is an old tune that I'm tired of playing. My swallowing and speech are getting worse and my hands are shaky every day. Bottom line is that I can't cope. No one knows what's wrong, all I can do is hope I will get better. I'm scared out of my mind and really depressed. I just want to drink enough to numb my thoughts and symptoms and hope that I don't wake up the next day. My husband is being a real jerk about my problems and is very neglectful emotionally. The only time he gives me attention is when he is trying to get laid. My mother is moving in a few months and has no idea how to help me even though she is a psychiatrist. My father lives 2 hours away and is also not very supportive. I'm in nursing school and also working as a nursing assistant for health insurance because my dear husband can't seem to keep a job (he keeps quitting jobs and doesn't work for weeks at a time). I'm so alone and no one to comfort and support me. I don't want to eat anymore, I just want to drink until I don't feel the pain. I can't get myself to call a counselor because I'm not sure if my insurance covers it and I have no money. I'm sorry for posting this, I know a lot of you guys are going through tougher times than me and it makes me feel bad that I feel this sorry for myself.

I'm so sorry...

[cukita99]

u really need to get proffesional help. i was diagnosed in 2007 after having symptoms since 2003. i know how hard it is not to know whats wrong but try to stay positive. take one day at a time. im here if u need a friend.

[Peg B]

Hi

Below is a link to community mental health in VA. There is a main number, the call is free and there will be places to see you without payment or insurance or on a sliding scale. If you call the emergency service 24 hour number they can help you. Best Wishes, Peg

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/csb/mhs/mhsites.htm

[sironside]

I called around for therapy but no one can see me until 2 weeks from now. I don't understand, they asked me if I'm suicidal now, I said yes, then they said the soonest they can see me is in 2 weeks.

[wright]

Do you have a close friend . . . a pastor . . . anyone you can just talk to about this? No one on here thinks you have ALS by the way. I know that when you are suffering from anxiety, words don't always help . . . but I for one think you are going to fine, physically. What you need to work on at the moment is your mental and emotional well being. Maybe you can PM someone on here that you can trust. I'm sure anyone would be more than willing to listen. Please take care of yourself.

[vmd]

I suggest you call the national suicide hotline and they can give you immediate help. 1-800-784-2433

I can't believe the counseling center would have responded to you that way, considering the way you are feeling. Please keep us posted.

[jimercat]

sironside-

Please contact the fllowing in your town:

SALISBURY

Crisis Lines

LIfe Crisis Center

(410) 749-4357(HELP)
(410) 749-4363

ALSO-

Your county should have mental health facility that is free or on sliding scale for anyone. If you call or go by the facility they will most likely see you right away. They sometimes have after business hours appointments. If you are in Wicomico call 410-334-3497.

Please let us know how you are doing.

[MtPockets]

Sironside,
I'm glad you have opened up to the people on the forum about your feelings. Many of us have been where you are right now.
I use to be in a similar situation like you are in right now. I would drink alcohol and slap my face until it became numb, and then I knew I could finally get to sleep. Depression does strange things to many people. I too at one point in my life wanted to end it all.

The fact that you can talk about it means a lot. While you are waiting to get professional help, please feel free to open up to those on the forum who have traveled the same road you are on and have found a way out of the darkness.

If you can read some of my posts, from the past, you will see that my way out of the darkness was my faith in God and prayer. I know many people think this is worthless, but I have had 6 years of Psychological therapy, two times a week, in the past to learn to live with Chronic Low Back Pain for the past 18 years, that never goes away, and then on top of that I was Dx with ALS May 11, 2006. What did I learn from all this?

I have lost the use of my legs and ALS is progressing up my torso. Yet I am living proof that no matter what is happening to your body, or around you, I can chose to be content and even HAPPY. It did not happen overnight, but through much prayer, counseling, and spiritual help I am able to live a fulfilling happy life.

My mood does not depend on my physical condition, or any other persons actions. My outlook on each day and every day that God gives me, is a CHOICE I make within my own mind, will, and emotions. I chose to live one day at a time.

Please chose life.

[duplinwino]

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this but go to your local emergency room and let them know you feel suicidal, they will keep you and get you help immediately. I feel horrible for you, but you desperately need help, right now.

[cukita99]

ive been there n only my faith in God n my son have kept me going. i depend on others to do everything for me but i feel as long as i can breath n think for myself it is worth living. u r too young n u havent even beigh dx. to b thinking like that. call the hot line, please.

[cajuntexusa]

I have to chim in with the others posted here. It is entirely up to you to get the the help that you need. After reading some of your postings, I find it troubling that you haven't gotten the help you desperately need. We all go through times in our lives when we feel that we can longer go on but you have the strength to get through this. You may not feel it at this particular time, but people here have given you the avenue to seek out the professional persons that can help you.

We will be praying for you and hopefully we will see progress made by you,

[sironside]

thanks for the help everyone. I found a walk in mental health clinic which uses a sliding scale and has a psychiatrist there. I went in today but the psychiatrist is only there Monday, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. So I will try again tomorrow and if it doesn't work out I will call some of the numbers posted on this thread. All day I have tried to find phone numbers like these and had no luck, so thanks for finding them. I would go to the ER except it would be a conflict of interest if I was admitted since in 2 weeks I will be doing psychiatric nursing in the same place for school. Im sorry to bother everyone, but thanks so much for the concern and suggestions. I realize i need help and medicine since i have a history of major depression and suicidal thoughts. I think my symptoms with no dx has made me relapse. I promise i will try and get help ASAP so i dont become alcohol dependant or worse. Its just harder to go thtough this alone with my family so against me and unsupportive. Again, thanks everyone and i will keep you posted since you guys have enough to worry about besides worrying about my wellbeing. I am sorry to burden you guys, maybe one day i can somehow repay the kindness showed to me from all of you.

[cajuntexusa]

This is a great step. You are not a burden. We are concerned and we want to take the necessary steps to get the help you need.

God bless & keep us posted on your progress,

[CindyM]

Hello Sironside. Do you hear all the support and concern that these great folks have shown you? It may be hard right now to see it, but the care is there because you are worth it. Keep trying to reach local help and keep writing to let us know about your progress. BTW, drinking is not the answer. It causes more problems than it solves. If nothing else, contact your local AA group to talk to the folks there. They haved been where you are now and they know how to help. You are not alone. Cindy

[MtPockets]

Sironside, you are not a bother. Your posts are what the forum is all about. Each of us helping one another through hard times and trials is what it is all about.

Hang in there and we will make it together.

[sironside]

Thanks for the encouragement guys. Apperantly I misread the walk in clinic's information. The doctor is there 3 times per week and only sees one patient each day on a first come, first served basis. I missed the time he was there today because of work, so I will try tomorrow at the time listed on the paper. I also called some kind of psychologic society that offers pro bono services for a year. The lady I was referred to is supposed to call me tomorrow to get more information from me and set up therapy. If I cannot get help soon from these two avenues, I will try other options. Tomorrow I will be going for a pulmonary function test to see what's going on with my breathing. Yesterday, I had done a tilt table test, which I failed miserably so they dx'ed me with neurally mediated hypotension. This could explain some of my semptoms, but not all. If my speech and swallowing don't get better soon, I'm going to ask the neuro for more tests since this is causing me so much distress. Hopefully I can get myself together enough to enjoy life again. But this isn't going to happen without help. Maybe one day I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but for now I feel hopeless, lost, scared, and confused.

[cajuntexusa]

You are on the right path, continue on and don't get discouraged.

Yesterday at work, I sat crying in fear. Fear overtakes me from time to time. A friend/coworker came up to me didn't say a word and wrapped her arms around me and eventually she said that God only gives us as much as we can handle. She knows that my husband has been diagnosed with ALS and she is there to comfort me.

Please know this. We are here for you and know that we are praying for you and I hope this gives you comfort.

God bless,

[olly]

i am sorry to read your still having problems and i hope the help you are seeking works out.
postural hypotension is not a symptom of als .
i began with hypotension over a year ago i sometimes have syncopes/blackouts, i also sometimes get palpitations. i was sent for a tilt test jan07 but they found my blood pressure was too low 96/60, they were concerned and did a ecg which showed i had a disturbance in my heart rythm so did not do the tilt test.
i had my salt levels checked( which you may want to do) and they were ok, so they think its either being on baclofen for a long time or despite salt test being ok something is stopping/ interfering with the salt/sodium channels. so i have been advised to increase my salt intake.
if your blood pressure is too low your heart has to work harder to to pump the blood round and can result in syncopes/palpitations/breathless episodes.
i am sure your breathing problems are a mixture of the hypotention and anxiety.
i hope this info helps.
take care
caroline:)

[sironside]

Well, I talked to the pro bono psychological associates and they turned me away. They said to go through my insurance and find a psychiatrist. I told her that the insurance only pays for about 6 visits. I guess that didn't matter. I also went to the walk-in clinic today with no success. There were 3 people sitting in the waiting area and the receptionist told me I need to come 3 hours in advance to be the first person. That would have been nice to know when I went tuesday, it was the same receptionist. So far, all my efforts to get help have been futile. Maybe I should just forget it and wait until my appointment in 2 weeks. But I fear for my emotional well-being until then. I really don't know what to do. I really need to talk to someone face-to-face.

[cajuntexusa]

Do not give up. If you have to wait, go to church and talk to the preacher. They can help but you have to initiate it, open up and let them know how you are feeling. They will be able to get through the next two weeks.

Don't ever give up on yourself.

God bless,

[MtPockets]

Sironside, keep trying. Somebody, somewhere is going to give you the help you need. My prayer for you is that God will open a door for you to get the right kind of help. I know I've been around a lot in these 61 years, and seen all kinds of weirdos as far as the medical profession goes. I have tried acupuncture, hypnotism, Bio-Feedback, all kinds of pain management clinics. As a result you may be blessed not to have gotten into see some of the ones you have tried, but do not give up. God has someone special out there that can actually help you and when you find them the door will open. Just keep knocking, trying, and never, give up.
Here is one of my little guardian angels to watch over you and help cheer you up.
http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t172/ShakeyMarble/Animations/Angels.gif

[wright]

Listen to Captain Al, sironside. You'll get the help you need and we'll be here for you in the meantime.

On another note: I don't know what this site would do without you, Captain Al. You are an amazing person. You inspire all of us.

[MtPockets]

Thank you so much.

Everyone on here has been so kind and understanding of me when I have my many ups and downs.

Thanks to all of you for your support over the years.

[Peg B]

cajuntexusa


Hi. Please don't forget about the emergency number to call and the fact that you can go to a hospital emergency also.

I wanted to say also, that even though you may only get 6 visits on your insurance, it may well be enough to help you to clarify specific issues and or the type of therapy that may be most helpful. Your assigned therapist can help you with a referal. All therapists and therpies are not the same. I am not sure if you are planning on using the insurance but I would vote you do. Take good care of yourself, get as much sleep and good food as possible and exercise and sunshine and prayer. These things are all mood lifters. Best to you, Peg