Citlalli
10-11-2007, 09:08 PM
My beloved husband Andres passed away peacefully a week ago. It was all so very joyous and beautiful, he hardly suffered at all. From the day before he entered a magical space of feeling very good and laughing and telling all of us how much he loved us. We all had so much opportunities to express everything we wanted to say. His dad and I were with him at the moment of this death (his heart stopped, did not choke) and his brothers were in the next room and had been with him al day. We had a 3 day wake with buddhist meditation and an amazing memorial on sunday with hundreds of people. To share a little detail of the magic I'll tell you a little story. He wanted a band, a mexican brass band, traditional here in our little town. On the way back froom thje cremation saturday night we remember that no one had arranged that. So there we are making calls late im the night until we find one. After the ceremony they played andd people danced and rejoiced for Andres' life and when they are about to leave a friend tells me "There is something you have to see" and drags me by the hand to where the band is, and as they turn away to leave I see their name, painted on the back of their T shirts: Banda Citlalli !!!
It was all so amazing. It still is. Now I am home alone for the first time and feel an inmense sadness. so much grief...
He had arrranged everything, and made all the important decisions about treatment and funeral etc. I think everybody should take this to heart it made everything so much easier.
It also helps to read this letter he wrote for this moment and that I want to share with you.
With love and gratitude
Citlalli
My Last wishes
Dear family and friends,
The inevitable has occurred: I died. Please don’t be alarmed since I’ve been wishing and expecting this most precious and important event for many months. Although my ALS “disease” was an amazing blessing and the best teacher I ever had, it was an extremely arduous and difficult process. So, I’m really happy to finally be able to rest and most joyful to go home to my true nature. Therefore, this is in fact a very happy time for me and, since you were an important part in my life and touched my heart, I hope you can join me with a little celebration and prayer from wherever you are.
Please go to a silent place where you can feel calm and relaxed and sit comfortably. Light a candle and breath deeply a few times. Try not to think too much, just look at the flame, notice your breath and feel your body. Now think of some meaningful or happy time we spent together and do whatever feels right: pray, sing, cry, laugh, curse, or just stare at the candle. Please don’t suppress any emotion, just allow your heart to do what it needs. When you feel more released, please consider this:
1) Death is the most natural thing in life; it’s not our end, only the closing of a cycle.
2) Life cannot exist without death (just contemplate about the food we eat).
3) The only sure thing in life is death (all forms sooner or later disintegrate).
4) However the time of death is unknown. It could happen today, next month, or in 50 years. But one day, whether you are prepared or not, you’ll have to let go of your body, your loved ones and friends, all your money and possessions, all titles and achievements, all theories and concepts, all expectations and desires.
5) Have you lived the life that your heart wants?
6) Are you satisfied with the way your life is so that if you were to die tomorrow you could welcome death without regrets or remorse?
7) What things would you change, what would you do to be able to die tomorrow and feel satisfied and at peace?
8) What would you do to feel fulfilled and joyful with your life?
- Would you get married or divorced?
- Have a baby or adopt one?
- Spend more time with your family and less at the office?
- Heal the wounds from childhood or from past relationships?
- Reconcile yourself with your parents or other loved ones?
- Move to the city or the countryside?
- Go back to school or change careers?
- Ask for forgiveness or for an apology?
- Quit your job and go traveling?
- Buy a house or start your own business?
- Learn a new language or to play the piano?
- Learn to cook or to dance?
- Write a book or that important letter?
- Quit smoking or drinking?
- Begin to exercise or start eating healthier food?
What is it that you've been wanting to do but never have the time, courage or money to materialize it? Are you waiting for retirement, a raise or more time to do it? Please don’t waste more time wishing or complaining. Take action! Just do it.
In a nutshell, this is my “discovery” of what life is all about:
We are here, in this amazing planet, to learn from our experiences in order to open our hearts and minds so that we can grow in love and consciousness. To flow in the grace of God and become a conscious channel of Her/His divine love. The best way to do this is to try to live each moment as plentiful and aware as we can, to accept what IS and learn from what life -the NOW- is teaching us. To recognize that we and all beings are part of the ONE SACRED LIFE, part of God. Our true nature is perfect and eternal, is love, is divine. When our body disintegrates and gets recycled back to Mother Earth, the only thing we keep is the consciousness we gained and the love we gave and received while alive. So please don’t wait until you’re diagnosed with a fatal disease to start living. Live your life to the fullest and enjoy it. We are all involved in the most incredible and miraculous cosmic game; don’t take things too seriously!
You might wonder how can I know that only the body dies but our formless nature, our spirit, is immortal if I wrote this before dying? Well, as I experienced the degradation of my body and despite loosing my capacity to use my hands, legs and mouth, I always felt that I was the same. The sense of I AM was the same as when I was 3 years old; the same when I was 8, 13, 19, 25, 30, 34. Regardless of my age, health, physical strength, looks, titles, wealth, or experiences my spirit (consciousness, awareness, or whatever it is) remained pretty much the same. Maybe, as I grew older, this consciousness only got a bit more aware of itself and its interconnectedness with the rest of the creation and mesmerized by this awesome divine dance of forms and energies. However, this presence was unaffected by the sickness and disintegration of my body. So I just know that my real self, the silent watcher, is timeless.
My job is over as Andres A. Buenfil Friedman. I don’t know what my next job will be or what form my spirit will take to continue its growth and unification with God. I leave this beautiful body that was loaned to me with a feeling of completion, peace and satisfaction. I am very grateful for the extraordinary life that was given to me and for the privilege of knowing and interacting with all of you. Thank you very much for touching my life and walking next to me along my path. I feel especially grateful to the marvelous Shambhalacalli community, The Garuda community and The Sacred Fire Community, to my dear brothers David and Jacinto, to my wonderful dad Alberto, and to my beloved and amazing wife Citlalli for all their help, support and love during the most difficult, yet enlightening years of my life.
My last three wishes are these:
First, that you can do the candle contemplation/meditation I described above in order to help us both with this transition with acceptance. To let go with peace and gratitude, to say aDios (to-God).
Second, that my death can remind you -deep inside- that one day you too will die and motivate you to take the necessary actions to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
And third, and most important, that you may find yourself, that you may find the peace and love of God. This is actually much easier than you think since it is already inside you wherever you go, whatever you do.
Thank you very much! With all my love and blessings,
Andres
Andres Antonio Buenfil Friedman (10/23/1971 - 10/04/07)
It was all so amazing. It still is. Now I am home alone for the first time and feel an inmense sadness. so much grief...
He had arrranged everything, and made all the important decisions about treatment and funeral etc. I think everybody should take this to heart it made everything so much easier.
It also helps to read this letter he wrote for this moment and that I want to share with you.
With love and gratitude
Citlalli
My Last wishes
Dear family and friends,
The inevitable has occurred: I died. Please don’t be alarmed since I’ve been wishing and expecting this most precious and important event for many months. Although my ALS “disease” was an amazing blessing and the best teacher I ever had, it was an extremely arduous and difficult process. So, I’m really happy to finally be able to rest and most joyful to go home to my true nature. Therefore, this is in fact a very happy time for me and, since you were an important part in my life and touched my heart, I hope you can join me with a little celebration and prayer from wherever you are.
Please go to a silent place where you can feel calm and relaxed and sit comfortably. Light a candle and breath deeply a few times. Try not to think too much, just look at the flame, notice your breath and feel your body. Now think of some meaningful or happy time we spent together and do whatever feels right: pray, sing, cry, laugh, curse, or just stare at the candle. Please don’t suppress any emotion, just allow your heart to do what it needs. When you feel more released, please consider this:
1) Death is the most natural thing in life; it’s not our end, only the closing of a cycle.
2) Life cannot exist without death (just contemplate about the food we eat).
3) The only sure thing in life is death (all forms sooner or later disintegrate).
4) However the time of death is unknown. It could happen today, next month, or in 50 years. But one day, whether you are prepared or not, you’ll have to let go of your body, your loved ones and friends, all your money and possessions, all titles and achievements, all theories and concepts, all expectations and desires.
5) Have you lived the life that your heart wants?
6) Are you satisfied with the way your life is so that if you were to die tomorrow you could welcome death without regrets or remorse?
7) What things would you change, what would you do to be able to die tomorrow and feel satisfied and at peace?
8) What would you do to feel fulfilled and joyful with your life?
- Would you get married or divorced?
- Have a baby or adopt one?
- Spend more time with your family and less at the office?
- Heal the wounds from childhood or from past relationships?
- Reconcile yourself with your parents or other loved ones?
- Move to the city or the countryside?
- Go back to school or change careers?
- Ask for forgiveness or for an apology?
- Quit your job and go traveling?
- Buy a house or start your own business?
- Learn a new language or to play the piano?
- Learn to cook or to dance?
- Write a book or that important letter?
- Quit smoking or drinking?
- Begin to exercise or start eating healthier food?
What is it that you've been wanting to do but never have the time, courage or money to materialize it? Are you waiting for retirement, a raise or more time to do it? Please don’t waste more time wishing or complaining. Take action! Just do it.
In a nutshell, this is my “discovery” of what life is all about:
We are here, in this amazing planet, to learn from our experiences in order to open our hearts and minds so that we can grow in love and consciousness. To flow in the grace of God and become a conscious channel of Her/His divine love. The best way to do this is to try to live each moment as plentiful and aware as we can, to accept what IS and learn from what life -the NOW- is teaching us. To recognize that we and all beings are part of the ONE SACRED LIFE, part of God. Our true nature is perfect and eternal, is love, is divine. When our body disintegrates and gets recycled back to Mother Earth, the only thing we keep is the consciousness we gained and the love we gave and received while alive. So please don’t wait until you’re diagnosed with a fatal disease to start living. Live your life to the fullest and enjoy it. We are all involved in the most incredible and miraculous cosmic game; don’t take things too seriously!
You might wonder how can I know that only the body dies but our formless nature, our spirit, is immortal if I wrote this before dying? Well, as I experienced the degradation of my body and despite loosing my capacity to use my hands, legs and mouth, I always felt that I was the same. The sense of I AM was the same as when I was 3 years old; the same when I was 8, 13, 19, 25, 30, 34. Regardless of my age, health, physical strength, looks, titles, wealth, or experiences my spirit (consciousness, awareness, or whatever it is) remained pretty much the same. Maybe, as I grew older, this consciousness only got a bit more aware of itself and its interconnectedness with the rest of the creation and mesmerized by this awesome divine dance of forms and energies. However, this presence was unaffected by the sickness and disintegration of my body. So I just know that my real self, the silent watcher, is timeless.
My job is over as Andres A. Buenfil Friedman. I don’t know what my next job will be or what form my spirit will take to continue its growth and unification with God. I leave this beautiful body that was loaned to me with a feeling of completion, peace and satisfaction. I am very grateful for the extraordinary life that was given to me and for the privilege of knowing and interacting with all of you. Thank you very much for touching my life and walking next to me along my path. I feel especially grateful to the marvelous Shambhalacalli community, The Garuda community and The Sacred Fire Community, to my dear brothers David and Jacinto, to my wonderful dad Alberto, and to my beloved and amazing wife Citlalli for all their help, support and love during the most difficult, yet enlightening years of my life.
My last three wishes are these:
First, that you can do the candle contemplation/meditation I described above in order to help us both with this transition with acceptance. To let go with peace and gratitude, to say aDios (to-God).
Second, that my death can remind you -deep inside- that one day you too will die and motivate you to take the necessary actions to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
And third, and most important, that you may find yourself, that you may find the peace and love of God. This is actually much easier than you think since it is already inside you wherever you go, whatever you do.
Thank you very much! With all my love and blessings,
Andres
Andres Antonio Buenfil Friedman (10/23/1971 - 10/04/07)
