Lost my Honey...

[Pollyanna]

Hi everyone. I've haven't been online much the last month...my Roger lost his battle with ALS on April 5...a mere 7 months since diagnosis! But I'm thankful he didn't have to suffer too long. He was able to eat, breathe (with difficulty) on his own, and as he said, Kiss his sweetheart. That's about all he had left at the end, but on the day he couldn't swallow very well, I asked God to please not let him go through that. The very next morning he was in a coma, and 24 hours later he was gone. :cry: But our two daughters and I were at his side, and I'm grateful for that. I wanted to thank everyone here for the support over the last few months...y'all are the greatest!!! ALSO...I just posted our conversion van on the Used Equipment link, if anyone is in the market for one. It's really in superior condition, and I'd love for someone on this forum to be able to use it. If you're interested, please go to that board for details. Thanks again to all...

[Peg B]

Dear Pollyanna,

It is a very sad time and yet we too are glad his suffering was limited. Please know that many thoughts and prayers and much sympathy are extended to you and yours. Sincerely, Peg

[shellshell]

I am so very sorry for you loss. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Michelle

[JACKIEMAX]

hi pollyanna,

first let me say how sorry i am for your loss. there are no words that can make it better, only time and friends and memories will do that.

i tho't my heart would just stop beating when i read that he only had 7 months from dx until he left you. my husband was diagnosed in jan. of this year. he can still feed himself, barely walk, and barely breathe also.

pollyanna, and other caretakers,

don't we all just pray every night that our loved ones won't suffer.... that is my daily prayer. i look at my sweetheart, who a year ago was planting a huge garden, and landscaping a two-acre yard for us, and i see a man that is so thin, so depressed, and unable to live a quality life anymore. and yet, he too, says ' i can't put this bipap mask on at night until i've said 'i love you', and kissed you goodnight.

and so, my friend, please stay in our forum, and encourage us to keep the faith, and to know we have friends to help us through this.

again, i am so very very sorry.

jackiemax

[hope]

My husband and I are so sorry for your loss. You are in our prayers.

Sandy.

[rcharlton]

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss Polyanna.

It does sound as though he was at peace - and he was surrounded by his loving family which is the most important thing.

[Rhonda]

So sorry for your loss, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Rhonda

[Frizzel]

Thank you for letting us know.

[Al]

Sorry for your loss Pollyanna. Hope we can at least help you sell the van.
AL.

[Pollyanna]

Thanks to everyone for your kind and understanding words of sympathy and encouragement. You are right, it's a really tough time, but we had nearly 39 years together, and we were so happy that our kids worried what would become of the one who was left alone. But God is getting me through this, and of course, our many friends who have been and continue to be so supportive and helpful. They are a blessing!!! One thing that we wanted to do was be able to get through this awful disease without having to have someone come into the home and help us...and we did it! I was his sole caregiver, and NEVER had anyone else even sit with him...I never left him except to run to the grocery a few times, but then the church family began to supply our meals, and at that point, I did not leave him at all...not even to go into another room because he could do absolutely nothing for himself...not even wipe a tear from his eye or scratch his nose...not even lift his hand from the bed to rest it on his leg...nothing! I tried one night to see how long I could just lie there without moving...it was torture and I cried for him without letting him know of course. It just broke my heart, but we tried to stay upbeat as much as possible. A positive attitude is absolutely vital in living with this disease. We had a few melt-downs, but not many, and they really only happened in the last month...I think he realized it was going to be soon, and he didn't want to leave me. A more precious man just doesn't exist...we were made for each other and talked about that a lot. I would encourage everyone to be SURE you tell your loved one how much you love them...and tell them often, because you just don't know which time might be the last. And one last thing...the only thing I regret is that I raised my voice to him once...it was because I was frustrated and having a difficult time with a transfer, and he sort of yelled at me...not really yelled, but that's how it felt to my heart, and I snapped at him and said "don't yell at me! I'm doing the best I can!" Then we both just cried and cried. I never yelled at him again, but I can't seem to forgive myself. So if you are the caregiver, please try to put yourself in their position and try really hard to be patient and soft spoken with them. The patient has every right to yell and scream and anything else to keep them from going crazy as they live out this death sentence. Just love them and force yourself to be patient and kind...you'll be glad you did, I promise.

Well, I suppose I needed to talk...I didn't intend to go on and on, but I appreciate you all listening. This is a great group of people and a wonderful support system, so as you fight the battle, stay close to each other...y'all can help each other more than you can imagine!

[Poco]

When I heard of your loss it made everything seem so real to me. Dick was diagnosed 6 months ago and not doing well. I am usually in denial because that is how I cope, but I guess this disease just can't have a happy ending. I feel so sad for you and I am really sorry,
Phyl

[anne]

I am sorry of your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Anne

[Paty]

My prayers are with you Pollyanna, I am so sorry for your loss, but think now he's resting in peace.

Just like you described what his life was, that is just the way my husband is right now, can't scratch his nose, can't move, talk, eating and sometimes choking but refusing a PEG, just this night I had to get something stuck on his throat thankfully I could do it.

Next May the eight is our 36 anniversary.

May God bless Roger.

Paty
Husband's Caregiver DX 10/17/2005
Baja California, Mexico

[CindyM]

Dear Pollyana-I am so sorry to hear that Roger has lost his fight. I'm sure you will miss him very much. Please feel free to reach out ot us during these next few difficult weeks and months. Hugs, Cindy

[liz]

Pollyanna -

I am so sorry for the loss of your Roger. You have always impressed me as such a strong, positive person. I'm sure things are difficult now but I know you will be OK given time to heal.

My condolences,

Liz

[midwestgirl]

Pollyanna, I am so sorry for your loss of Roger. It sounds like you two had an amazing relationship. I am so glad for you that you have a strong and caring family, and church family.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this very difficult time.

[caring daughter]

I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. It is evident in your posting that your husband was truly your soul mate. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time of loss. Shelly

[stevef]

i cannot say anything that will make things better for you right now other then he is in a better place with god and my thought and prayers will be with you and your family. It is just so sad how this disease can move at differnet rates in some then other may god help them find a cure for it. God Bless

Steve

[Jamiet]

Pollyanna,

I'm reading your post and you are a wonderful person, never leaving his side. YOu are special and he, was the luckiest man in the world, even with ALS to have someone like you beside him!!!

He is in a better place, and will be watching over you now, to ensure, that you receive, the same treatement you afforded him, with much love and care. You remind me of what my wife will do for me when the time is required.

You are an inspiration to all CALS and god bless.

Please don't leave us, we need encouragement from people like you.

Regards,

Jamie

[saska]

Pollyanna, I am so sorry for your loss. You and Roger had (still have!) such a wonderful relationship, and your love and care for him are truly awe-inspiring. I know he loved (still loves!) you just as much. PLEASE do not feel guilty for raising your voice to Roger, and try to put aside that regret. Just as you said that he was entitled to be frustrated and angry, so were you. You are such an amazingly selfless person, and I just know Roger would not want you to feel guilty about anything. You did the very best you could, which is far more than many people could have, or would have, done. Be very good to yourself, Pollyanna. You certainly deserve all the goodness that life has to offer. You and Roger are in my prayers. Sharon

[Beebe]

Hello Pollyanna and Family, My thoughts and prayers are with you. We are here for you if you need anything. Fondly, Beebe

[paula B]

Pollyanna
now is the time to play the glad game.

Paulab

[sharona]

May God Bless you & the girls giving you all peace. Roger was truly blessed having you as his caregiver.
Sharon