Al's Tips for Full contact Lawn Mowing

[Al]

First .you should wear a hat with a soft brim. This will help when you fall off riding mower and do a face plant on the branch you were leaning over to pick up.
Second .wear long pants so you rip the pants not your shin while tumbling off aforementioned mower.
Third. Always switch into neutral while stopped to try to pick up aforementioned branch. This will stop the mower from wildly going through ditch onto road and turning back down driveway and going back across lawn and into flower garden coming to rest on piece of driftwood just 3 feet from crashing through picture window.
Fourth. Always disengage blades when stopped to pick up branches. This will avoid mower mowing down flowers and bushes as it careens through garden.
Fifth. Always make sure that some other responsible adult (wife) is there to help you up off ground after taking a face plant onto branches.
Six. Make sure said responsible adult knows how to stop runaway mover. When mower is careening towards house is not the time to be telling wife which of the 6 levers is the throttle.
Seven. After mowing grass have a large glass of wine. It will help ease the pain but not the I told you so comments from responsible adult that runs down driveway saying Oh No How do I stop it?
Eight. Learn from the mistakes of others. You might not live long enough to make them all yourself.

[Barbie4]

That must have been some ride!!!!!!

I don't think I can add much to that post except:

1. My husband won't let me touch the lawn mower( and that is the way I like it!):mrgreen:

2. I like the glass of wine part of the story. :-D

Hope you weren't hurt and as I always say to my husband. "Listen to your wife, she is always right!!":)


Barbie :)

[Al]

Scrapes and bruises. Scrapes on forehead will still be there spoiling my good looks for the symposium. But some women like the rugged beat up look I hear.

[ruby ben]

Great story! Love your sense of humour. I am glad it was only your dignity that was really hurt. I hope that was a LARGE glass of red wine.................ruby from vancouver

[Al]

Yes it was large and more than one. When I got up this morning and complained about my aches and pains Lee asked in her sweetest voice, And how is your hangover? As luck would have it there was none or it was blocked out by the aches and pain.

[ekoozmin]

Glad you weren't hurt too badly! Thanks for making fun of yourself and sharing it with us. Your post is a definite keeper!

Liz

[MtPockets]

:( I was starting to get off the mower to pick up a stick that was in the way, put in neutral, brake set, got off ...and you know the rest sounds like your story. My mower took off running across the yard headed right for my newly planted pecan tree. There I was trying to walk, (can't run) after it and catch it with my cane before it killed everything in the back yard and before my wife who told me not to cut the grass caught me. :oops:
Whew! Caught it with my cane and it stopped just as I fell and it dragged me across yard a short distance. Wish someone would have had a camera, might at least make somebody laugh. Next day gave riding lawnmower away. :-D

[hope]

Al, thank you for always keeping all of us smiling.

Sandy and Hope.

[Al]

If you're planting pecan trees you must be from Georgia or the deep south. I was in the same boat, can't run just do the penguin walk. Wouldn't that have been something if we both sent in silly video's to America's Funniest Video's. we'd have to split the $10,000. I think we've made a few laugh here anyway. Welcome to our forum. Al.

[MarciaA]

Holy cow, Al!! I'm glad I read this after my students left my room...big belly guffaws right out loud! Although I have no clue what you look like (although I understand you're quite a handsome ladies man!) I could picture the whole thing in my head! Absolutely hilarious! I'm very glad that you didn't get hurt...and even more glad that you are able to laugh about the whole thing! Personally, I'd have picked up a glass of white wine...or possibly a margarita...to each his own! Thanks for sharing, Al!

Marcia

[Al]

I kind of look like Dennis Franz from NYPD Blue with a Kojak hair cut. I try to see the humor or humour as we spell it in Canada in everyday things. If I can make someone here smile or have a belly laugh then I feel it's been a good day for us all. Have a good one Marcia and let me know how the voice banking comes out. Al.

[jojo]

Laughing so hard....gasping for breath....must remember to breathe...

[TBear]

... and you want to go fly with me!!!!

T.

[Al]

Well yes. You didn't promise to let me drive so what's the problem? As a footnote to the story I backed the van into the garage today and looked over on the lawnmower and saw a box on the seat. I looked at the box and written in black marker was the note. Al. Wear this when mowing lawn. I turned the box upright and there in my own printing was M/C Helmet. Son in law had been cleaning garage the day before and found my old motorcycle helmet that I had kept as I have a couple of friends that used to loan me their bikes on occasion. Everybody's a comedian. Build a thousand bridges and no one calls you an engineer but lose control of one lawnmower and everyone jumps on the bandwagon. With the summer reruns on we need some good entertainment I guess.

[wewillbeatthis]

Al,

I just read this I am catching up on some reading. Thank GOD you are ok... You always find the bright side of everything. Your great and always make me smile... Keep up the good work and please be more carful on the lawn mower:-)


Let me ask you do you have any suggestions on how to make dad look as his little mishaps this way verses slamming doors, yelling at himself, beating his leg with the cain, and being in a bad mood for the rest of the day which in turns means a bad day for everyone especially me cause I hate to see him so unhappy......

Love

Jen

[Al]

Hi Jen. Not knowing your dad kind of makes it hard to answer your question. I've always had a good sense of humor and laff at most jokes whether they are politically correct or not. This world has been taking itself way too seriously for about 20 years. We need more fun and be able to laugh at ourselves again. Try to get him to watch some funny movies. Maybe he'll start to see the humor in life more. Try to keep a smile on yor face. It's hard to frown when someone is smiling at you.
Al.

[DebNS]

I had to chuckle. . .my Dad had a similar experience in his early days of the disease and we made sure the lawn was mowed after that because the front lawn was up about fix feet with a stone wall around it and we figured next time he would right over the wall.

He finds the humour in whatever happens. I remember the first time I went with my Dad to rehab, he sat back and told the OT, PT and Dr about the falls he had been having but that he was OK since he had been studing the Stuntmen on TV and had learned to fall properly. He had them in stitches telling his stories.

The latest in his saga is being pushed in his portable wheelchair - he had a walker but because of the weakness on his left side he kept going to the right and banging back and forth down the halls so we convinced to him to get one for his daily outings.

One his friends was taking him on their morning coffee run. Dad had taken the footrests off the wheelchair and they came to a curb . . .well since his feet were danling they caught on the curb and his friend didn't know and kept pushing, needless to say Dad went face first and the wheelchair went over him. . .god love him and his humour . . .he delighted in relaying the story as he laughed about what happened . . .luckly he wasn't really hurt other than a few scapes but it gave him a story to tell his buddies about for the next week. Needless to say, he is now using the footrests but he still enjoys telling the story.

[Al]

Thanks for that story Deb. I'll remember to keep my feet up when being pushed up over curbs.

[southern lady]

thanks Al, mt pockets, Deb--You all have made my day! Proves again, we didn't choose to have ALS, but we can choose our reaction to it. I choose joy. That makes it easier for me & my caretakers. I've been loaned a motorized scooter called a Jazzy & when I want a change from the drunken sailor, penguin walk, I tell my husband, "Bring me my chariot." I go careening around the yard with him in hot pursuit. It feels like toad's wild ride & I laugh like an idiot the whole time.

[Frizzel]

Just found this post Al. I smiled and laughed...Oh my goodness!!! I loved the visuals and it sounds like you do too. SOunds like you're having a fun razor, taizor...whatever.....ha ha...oh I get it!!!!! you friends and family are throwing you a fund raiser!!!!
We are honored to be a part of it. Take pictures for all of us and know we're in your cheerleading section...if only we had some low rider jumpers on our chairs heh?
All the best! Frizzel

[Montana Carol]

Oh, Al! My stomach aches from laughing at your 5-2006 Tips for Full Contact Lawn Mowing! Being new to the forum, I've been printing out the posts with good tips for living with ALS -- now I've got this on the top of the pile! I LOVE mowing with my riding mower, and I sure don't want to have to stop doing it. Your handy-dandy tips will keep me mowing merrily far longer, I'm sure! Thanks for all your other practical, humorous, and compassionate posts as well. Carol

[CindyM]

This post of Al's is a classic. I laugh every time it surfaces! Cindy

[liz]

These guys could've made $10,000 off America's Funniest Videos if only the cameras had been running...... :)

[Al]

The neighbour and I were just yesterday discussing how to put blades on the power chair. Make myself useful again. LOL.
AL.

[sherry0459]

Al, Thanks for the story . I too could see this all in my mind. I have a a few bad days as of late and BOY OH BOY did I get a belly laugh (after I read you were ok). Laughing is the best medicine. Especially with the price of rilutek. I hope the wife kissed the boo-boos. BLESS YOU I needed that. sherry

[Frizzel]

Have you noticed that you have over 1,000 posts from people who have read your tips on lawn mowing?!!! Al, you will be with this forum long after you're not posting. Joy sent to you this day. Hey, when you figure out how to put those blades on your chair let us know. I actually ride my riding lawn mower without the blades running to get about our property and country neighborhood. Gotta live while we can with what we've got!:-D

Frizzel

[bucky]

Al, I thought your lawn mowing adventure was funny. Its nice to see some topics that can make us laugh and laugh I did. I thought it was so funny I shared it with my son on the other day. His responce is maybe I should take over mowing your yard. I am not sure if I am ready to give the mowing up yet, but now I have a option.

[MtPockets]

OK, after reading all the posts again; I can not help but tell on myself one more time.

Remember at the end of one of my stories I got rid of the old riding lawn mower? Well, I figured the problem was that it was old and did not have enough controls to properly be able to operate it with me losing my legs, etc. Yes, I know you see it coming, I bought a new fancy, easy to control, with my "limited abilities", riding lawn mower around January of 2007. :-D At the time I could still transfer from the wheelchair to the seat and use my cane to move my legs.

I used the cane to work the brake and forward gas pedal and all the rest were pretty much hand controls. I thought now I can get back to being a man; doing manly things, GRRRRRR!. Go cut the grass. So I manage after about 15 minutes and considerable pain to get on the "Little Red Devil", so named for it's nature. Of course I had to be sure my wife was gone.

The front yard was a breeze. Wow how nice it looked when I finished cutting it like only I could do, no one else knows how to cut grass right. :twisted: I went to the dreaded back yard with it's 40 degree banking and managed to get it cut, almost flipping the mower 5 times in the process. But I was proud I did it, no matter what my wife had said about I better never get on that thing again. After that my wife or grandson would cut the grass.

Then this year............the grass was so high, wife was gone, no one home, just had to try to see if I can do this again. It's a man thing see, a crazy man thing.:???:

Now it takes me about 30 minutes to get on the mower that is parked in the garage. I have figured it out you see. I have this 8 foot long piece of Velcro and I can Velcro myself to the lawn mower to keep my legs from falling off on the hill out back. So here I am all tied to the mower with my trusty side kick CANE Mutiny, on top of Ole Red Devil, here we go.

I go slow speed and I am able to cut the front yard. Some of my neighbors are looking at me like what a nut job. HUH? :oops: Then on to the back yard. I get on the 40 degree hill, using the cane to try to use the brake, holding the seat to keep from falling off with one hand, suddenly realize I need a third hand to turn the wheel, the other is trying to use the brake. I grab the wheel fast to turn, mower heads downhill like a nitro fueled dragster, goes up on 2 wheels, I grab the seat even harder with one hand, try to brake but can't find it, I'm headed for the shed and THE FLOWER BED, OH NO, I HAVE TO TURN THE WHEEL JUST A LITTLE TO MISS IT, It must have been about that time the rocket assist motors kicked in on the mower,.................................I 'm actually hearing someone screaming and suddenly realize it is me.

Knees are Velcroed together, behind is trying to pucker and grab the seat to hold on, cane is gone, flowers are gone, wall is hit, AL is going to be DEAD when wife comes home. The wheels are digging a hole trying to still go forward. What do you do? :oops::oops: Turned the key off.

Isn't life fun? When will I ever learn? NEVER. That is what being a man is all about at least to me. it is the nature of the beast.
My grandson now is in charge of the LITTLE RED DEMON.:confused:

[Al]

What's that saying about God looking after fools and little children?
LOL AL.

[CindyM]

Oh I am so glad you guys resurected this thread. It has to be one of the funniest in the internet. Stay away from lawn mowers, you two!!!

[Bobby C]

Al, my wife has considered getting me a riding lawn mower, but after reading your "tips" I made a calculation to see how many bottles of Shiraz or Pino Noir I can buy with the cost of the mower. Gues which I have opted for!

[vmd]

The lawnmower, of course! ;)

[MtPockets]

OK, someone just mentioned a tens unit on another thread and reminded me of when I got mine years ago. Of course my curiosity about how it worked and what it might do got the best of me.:oops:

I decided to put it on my stomach muscles, with the idea in mind, Hey, if this Tens unit moves the muscles it will be like doing sit ups and I can tone and strengthen them, Right? Without doing all that sweaty work. Sounds plausible, at least it did at the time.

Oh, it moved the muscles alright...............Whee!!!! My muscle were jumping so much I could not get to the switch fast enough to turn it off. Seems I had set it a tinsy bit too high, like wide open. I almost had to go clean my pants. Again:oops:

Then I thought why not try it on my arms. Do you think by now I'm a slow learner? :-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D
I hooked it up to my arms turned it on and my fist hit me in the head. OUCH........:oops:

I thought I had enough fun for the day. Of course my wife and all witnesses were gone. That's the only way to do these experiments, right?
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen."

61 years of wonderful experiments. Wow, what knowledge I've gained. Too bad most of it is useless. There are thousands more stories where these have come from. Most just as bad or better. I've often wondered what WISDOM really is?

Like I said on another thread, my brain is abby,,,,,,,,,,,aby-normal that is.:-D:-D:-D

[CindyM]

LOL. Al. You have a way with words and a gift of story. :-D Your friend, Cindy

[MtPockets]

OK it is about time to bring up the old stories so the new members can get a laugh at our expense.

Latest, tell on myself story:
My grandson is living with me, he is 17, and part of his chores are to cut the grass. It has not been cut in over a month. My wife was complaining about the weed eating that needed to be done and I began to think. DANGER! DANGER!

Now how can I possibly run a weed eater from my Quantum 6000 power wheelchair? You already know what is coming based on the past stories.
I waited until I was home alone, in other words wifie gone to town shopping, won't be back for awhile to catch me. :evil::evil:
I ran the extension cords out into the yard and laid the weed whacker thingy on the arm rail of my wheelchair facing to the left. If I ran the wheelchair at just the right distance from the flower bed then it would trim the grass right up to the edging.

So I have my little sweat band on my head, weed eater in action, it is working. I am so proud of my way of figuring things out. Almost like that TV character McGiver. Wow, I am so smart, pat on the back.:mrgreen:

Of course in order to move through the heavy uncut grass I had to set my power wheelchair on high speed. Things were going great for about 40 feet then I came to a curve in the flower bed. (Pause for effect)

The weed eater caught on something and jumped off the rail of the wheelchair, and I moved to try to catch it and hit the control and full speed ahead into the flower bed with a 7 foot tall bush in my face. No problem, I begin to back up and discovered my front wheels had crossed a line of bricks that were buried in the dirt that I had not seen before. I was stuck. In the bushes. Oh, it gets better.

There was a ceramic pot about 2 feet high dead ahead, and inside the pot...............a nest of wasps......I discovered that when I hit the pot going forward, since this was the only direction the wheelchair would move. The pot broke, the wasps came out mad to say the least and then the wheelchair stopped after moving only 6 inches. I was stuck.

I had prepared for any and all possible problems by bringing my phone with me, just in case.......... I begin to call everyone I knew to come help pull me out of the bushes, before "SHE" :evil: came home. No one answered the phone. :(

It was then that I begin to go over many of the other stories on this thread where some of us found ourselves in bad situations. I also remembered the reaction my wife had when she "Caught me", in those situations. As I pondered these thoughts for several minutes and begin to seriously think of calling 911 for help, my wife drove up. :shock::shock:

I will not go into detail here about the new names I have learned I can be called during stressful moments. After all, she may have been somewhat justified in this case.:-D:-D:-D

I am to say the least, in a pickle.
Yours Truly
McGiver want-a-be Retired.

[CindyM]

Thanks AL- I needed the giggle!

[brendapals]

Thanks Al,

I got started laughing and trying to chew my "soft, meltable" peppermint candy thing all at the same time!

Good thing I work with a bunch of nurses in case I got choked!!! Just kidding-great story !

Keep the faith,
brenda

[Al]

What was that they said about God protecting fools and little children. LOL.

[lovelily]

MT....That was tooo funny! But, I gotta ask. Why are men 'AFRAID' of their wives???? :o :) :-D

take care
lovelily

[MtPockets]

I think it must be the, "I told you so".
We hate to admit we are wrong much less get caught proving it.:-D

[awieleba]

LOL!

You have moxy!!!!

[lostinlouisville]

I have been really down in pain. I needed a good story. Thanks so much. You must be the coolest Grandpa ever.

[MtPockets]

If only one person could get a laugh out of our stories then it worth it all. I hope others can maybe learn from them 2. :-D

[sharonca]

I have been so down. The laugh felt soooooo good. Thanks.

Sharonca

[Zaphoon]

Al,

2 years later and WOW, what a hoot!

Zaphoon

[Valya]

Capt. Al

You are such a talented writer, it gave me an idea. Of course a book would be awesome but a daunting committment.

You (I'm great at delegating :lol:) could relate one of your great stories as only you can, and end it with something like...

"Yes this is a funny and true story but having ALS isn't funny." Then go serious, educating the general public about living with ALS, there is no cure at this time, more research is needed, etc etc.

Submit your articles to various health magazines for publication, there are many possibilities.

You'd make extra cash, and use your rare gift of storytelling to educate people. Since most of your stories are already written this might even be fun for you.

[Al]

Someone mentioned mowing which made me think of this thread. Mowing season is near so these tips might help some of the newer members.

AL.

[hopingforcure]

I am hot now, OK Al you need you to do a book. That is such a great idea. A book from our fine moderator. You could write a best seller about the forum alone. Ok Al now your it. Boy everyday my mind is working on awareness. Ok my heart is a pumping good today.

[rick/Wpg]

Yes! Yes! Yes!
That book idea is GOLDEN!!!
Lets somehow make it happen!!! It could be offered thru the forum, the ALS Society, Amazon, and so on and so on and so on!!!!!
Rick & Joan

[MtPockets]

First .you should wear a hat with a soft brim. This will help when you fall off riding mower and do a face plant on the branch you were leaning over to pick up.
Second .wear long pants so you rip the pants not your shin while tumbling off aforementioned mower.
Third. Always switch into neutral while stopped to try to pick up aforementioned branch. This will stop the mower from wildly going through ditch onto road and turning back down driveway and going back across lawn and into flower garden coming to rest on piece of driftwood just 3 feet from crashing through picture window.
Fourth. Always disengage blades when stopped to pick up branches. This will avoid mower mowing down flowers and bushes as it careens through garden.
Fifth. Always make sure that some other responsible adult (wife) is there to help you up off ground after taking a face plant onto branches.
Six. Make sure said responsible adult knows how to stop runaway mover. When mower is careening towards house is not the time to be telling wife which of the 6 levers is the throttle.
Seven. After mowing grass have a large glass of wine. It will help ease the pain but not the I told you so comments from responsible adult that runs down driveway saying Oh No How do I stop it?
Eight. Learn from the mistakes of others. You might not live long enough to make them all yourself. :grin:
Happy Easter everyone

[hopingforcure]

OK Rick you got us on another mission. I know Granpa Al loves to tell stories, we could sure find some one to help him with a book. He is the most fun person to talk to, so many would enjoy reading his words.. Ok how about a book from Granpa Al, and some proceeds to ALS GUARDIAN ANGELS.. Ok now I am really on a mission I have Rick and Mt convinced anyone else? oops maybe I have to convince Granpa Al first? you know what he has given to this forum is already priceless. We could gve back to Dave for giving us this forum and AL..

[MtPockets]

Just posted as a warning to other MEN out there who might want to try some of the things we have found out do not work too well.
For a laugh read the entire thread when you have time.:rolleyes:

[abbas child]

I love these stories! I also, by way of subterfuge, used to be the mower. And getting stuck in the bank with the mower on the road...every single year...was embarrassing but I usually found someone, male, to bail me out. Then I learned how to pull it out with the pickup truck. Then... I had the stupid idea to tell Phil what I'd learned how to do. I learned two things. I didn't know about four wheel drive, and I wasn't ever going to be taught. Capt. Al, you know, that grass doesn't REALLY have to be cut.

[BeachN]

Bro YOU invented something there but made a mistake not getting a patent on it!! lol....Chris has an invention that is not made yet..what should he do first???

[BeachN]

HOLY COW!! I am talking to a pots that is ten thousand years old!! OK! Lookout !! I will learn my way around here shortly then you all will be in trouble!!!

[BeachN]

Yeah I am talking to a ten thousand year old "POT"!!!!! Thats what growing up with Capt Al as his lil sista will do to one..... LOrdy Lordy.....an old "POST" is what I was trying to type...

[BeachN]

Comon lets get this party started!!!

[MtPockets]

Tell chris from all of our experiences you start with a lot of Duct tape.