Went to counselor yesterday!

[chefdeborah]

Well, I have been thinking about ending it all and my hubby told me I needed to go to a counselor. I knew I did, and I wanted to. His work has a free one so we made an appt and we went yesterday.

Fat lot of good that did. She practically gave me permission to kill myself! Just told me to call her before I did it! I wanted someone to help me through this. Talk me down, help me get through the depression, the helpless feelings! Not tell me it was okay to do what I was thinking! She said because of having ALS it was okay to kill myself because that was an illness for which there was no cure! DUH! I almost got up and left!:evil:

Hubby told me after we left that he didn't think it was a good thing to go back to her. I agreed wholeheartedly! Yall here have helped me much more than that yahoo did!

Thanks for being here when I need you! AS for her....:confused:

deborah

[sadiemae]

deb you have my # call me anytime. Lori

[indigosd]

Deb, I am going to unleash my FLYING MONKEY'S on this ignorant poor excuse for a human being!! Put this image in your head-back ground music of duh ta duh ta duh da.. Duh ta ta ta duh...the night is overcast, the wind is blowing and suddenly there is this god awful howl of the FLYING MONKIES to kick her a--! Are you lol yet? Doesn't that make you feel just a teensy bit better?! Here is my suggestion, live LONG just to torture this putrid woman!!! We are all here for you-anytime and anywhere. We have all felt the same at one time or another. Take it a second at a time if you need too. I find that putting on MUSIC and playing it LOUD [and thinking of my monkey friends and who they should visit next] while I am cooking or baking always gives me a little boost. Right beside you and holding on tight!

[chefdeborah]

When she told us she got on a motorcycle and road from Macon Ga to Albeq. NM in one day, I knew she was a NUT!
deborah

[indigosd]

Certifiably WACKO!!! Monkey's can still track her down even if she is on a motorcycle!

[chefdeborah]

OH she asked me if I had a gun in the house! Well yeah, I am a Southern girl! I have my own 20 ga, shotgun! But, I wouldn't ever shoot myself! Too much mess! Had two friends to do that this year....been through that, wouldn't do that.

She said okay....you have a gun...where do you keep it? I started to tell her on the rack in the back of my 4x4 truck...but I held back!

deborah

[paleshia]

that lady is nuts! she's the one who needs a counselor, and her license revoked! you have a purpose here, here on this forum, here on earth! Our lives will end sooner than we wanted, no need to hurry it along......there is a plan, although i mostly have little clue to what that it is. :-?

[BethU]

Deborah ... please ask your husband to report her to his place of employment. I agree with Paleshia, she should lose her license (if not be locked up)!

Are you taking any anti-depressants? I started some when I was first dx to handle emotional lability, and after a week or so, I was making plans to off myself ... bought a how-to book on the subject, doing research. The book was so silly ... it wanted me to swallow 130 pills, and I figured if I could still swallow pills, I wouldn't be trying to kill myself ... I started laughing at the stupid advice. Then I remembered these thoughts could be a side effect of certain meds.

I stopped the pills and the thoughts went away. I told the doctor, and he said, "I've heard of that happening, but I've never met anyone who experienced it," and I said, "Well, you have now." Probably a lot of people don't really talk straight to their doctors, so they may not be aware of the extent of it.

Talk to your neuro about these thoughts, and have him check out your meds. You may need some, or need a change. We need you on this forum!

[Al]

Any wonder why I never trusted shrinks/counsellors? Most of them are nuttier than a fruitcake. You still have lots to live for. I don't know your personal troubles but a lot of us have been where you are now. The feelings of despair can go away. Talk to us. We're not nuts. Most of us anyway.

AL.

[indigosd]

Beth, I just pm'd Deborah and said the same thing. I had an identical experience when I took Chantix to stop smoking cigarettes. It was just toooo weird. All I could think about all day was HOW I WAS GOING TO KILL MYSELF and that is so not me! Went off the medicine and within 48 hours I found me again. Too scary.

Al, there really are some incredible Therapists out there :] Hey, what is wrong with being a little nuts! lol After all, I am the one that is going to send the FLYING MONKEY'S out there to rip off that woman's sick head! lol snorting and need of PZ's anti snort elixer!

[Zaphoon]

I'm also summoning a squad of flying monkeys from my place and one of them has directions to pour a pale of water on the witch. Another has a polaroid to document the melt-down.

Deborah, sorry you had this experience.

Zaphoon

[sharona]

Hi Deborah PLEASE don't take your own life.Your life is precious to God,He gave you life & when the time comes let it be his choice,My oldest brother took his own life & I will never get over it & it has been 35yrs.Please stay on this forum with us & take it one day at a time & when you are depressed take it a second at a time. One of my favorite sayings is LET GO & LET GOD. God Bless You & your husband.
Sharon

[indigosd]

Polaroid? I want a video complete with sound effects!!

[cukita99]

hi deb, i have als n cant speak, walk or use my hands. i wanted to kill myself but a friend also with als changed my mind. my 20yr. old son went to see a doc for his depression due to my disease n my divorce, he was put on meds n he tried to commit suicide due to meds.
i told him next time lets do it together caus hes the only reason i have to live for. i know its hard but lets keep going. hang in there and report that crazy counselor.

[DebbieR]

I'm so sorry that you had that experience with that counsellor (if you can call her that). I think you're husband should report her as well. I also think we need you here on this forum. You have lots to offer.

and I really like the idea of unleashing all those flying monkeys!!!!!

[chefdeborah]

Today I am fine...Monday..I wasn't. Don't know what happened. Was okay one minute...wanted to drive into a log truck the next!

I went to my doc and asked for something. Told him what had happened. Gave me a pill I can't crush...so have to go back adn get something else. Paxil.

deborah

[DebbieR]

I'm so glad to hear that you are fine today! Hopefully the pills that you get will continue to help you feel fine.

[chefdeborah]

I think she would LIKE the flying monkeys! She was kind of an odd ball to say the least!
deborah

[GlenBrittle]

Hey Deborah,

I am so sorry that you had a bad experience with that idiot.

I see that you were given paxil. I am on this also , give it a couple of days to get into your system.

Glen

[Katie C]

1) Glad they switched your scrip. Different meds work differently for different people. Welbutrin was a miracle drug for my son. Made Glen suicidal... found out later it is not recommended for ALS patients, but at the time, we didn't KNOW he was an ALS patient!! He's now on Celexa.. much better!

2) There's an awful lot of people who love you, and there ARE good therapists out there. This one needs to be reported to the state licensing board.

3) I can send yet another phalanx of Flying Monkies.. really big, mean UUUUUUGLY ones... from California if needed!!

Hang in there kiddo.

[chefdeborah]

I haven't started on anything yet. They started me on the drug that has the commercial where the lady winds up the doll (can't think of the name) and I threw up.

The doctor gave me Paxil, but can't take it because it is a big pill and I can't swallow it. I was going to crush it, but it says I can't. Guess I have to go back to the doc and see if they have something I can crush. I am going to ask the neuro when I go to Mayo and see if there is anything granular or something I can crush.

THANKS TO ALL WHO HAVE WISHED ME LUCK, LOVE AND PRAYERS.....AND MONKEYS!

deborah

[brooksea]

Who the hell is this wicked so-called counselor??? This is what is wrong with the medical community - so ready to write off someone with ALS or any other incurable disease!!! Does she think she is God? What? Did she look this up in her Merck manual?

Please! I hope your husband will complain about this healthcare "provider."

Karma will be at her Thanksgiving along with the FLYING MONKEYS!!!!!!

[chefdeborah]

She just kept telling me to go out and look at the leaves, the trees, the sky, and then she told me it was okay to kill myself! WHAT A LOSER!
Even I know that!
deborah

[Zaphoon]

Indigosd asked me why my monkey was going to take a polaroid of the melting moment vice a video. Hey, it was hard enough to train him on the polaroid! These are monkeys we're talking about. Now if they were flying cavemen, that would be a different story!

[fec139]

It's no surprise you got this feedback, because depictions of people with ALS in the media all show "sufferers" who want to die. Never do they show PALS with any hope. Just this month, Mandy Patinkin played a man with ALS on the TV show "Three Rivers", who wanted to die and donate his organs. We need to show people with ALS who want to live!! Everybody assumes we all want to hire Dr. Kevorkian aka Dr. Death, whose most publicized case, by the way, was an assisted suicide with a man who had ALS. This is not true of everybody......some of us want to stay strong and keep living!

[indigosd]

Deborah, Are you certain that it is Paxil? The reason that I ask is that Web's Paxil is a teeny tiny little pill. About the size of the eraser on a pencil. He takes 10 mg in the AM. Have you tried taking meds with yogurt or a thick shake? It has been a god send for him and for me. PLEASE report that hog riding, poor excuse of a human BEAN so that she can not continue to practice and torture another soul! Write a factual letter and if nothing else, she will have it in her record and you will feel better. 8-)

Zaphoon, how about I send you a couple of my South Dakota Monkey's to train for using the video cam-they are incredibly bright and have such fine motor skills. I think that it is due to their wonderful midwestern education and all the years of using their little digits to hold the cigarettes that they smoke! ;-):lol:

Assisted suicide...Dr. K...honestly, I support his philosophy even though it would not be my choice in our present moments. Just like I support Abortion or Gay Rights. I do not want that for myself but I do not believe that I have the right to impose my belief system on another person. I do believe that it is always about the freedom to choose and is between that soul and a higher power. Just throwing this out, IF we do believe in another life that is free from suffering...why do we cling to this one at all costs? I want to celebrate our moments that are soul full of life and yet...I do not want to suffer when my time comes nor do I want this man that I love to suffer. Such a paradox...
When someone is depressed-clinically depressed [has no other disease process] and can be treated with medication that will resolve the depression commits suicide, it such a tragedy. :cry: It is a long term solution to a short term problem that can be resolved with the right combination of meds and therapy. They leave behind such endless pain for the ones that loved them. I see that as so different from someone that is suffering and facing a terminal disease. I guess for me it would be the pain and the no hope for quality of life that would be the determining factor. I hope and pray that I NEVER have to go there.

[GlenBrittle]

I haven't started on anything yet. They started me on the drug that has the commercial where the lady winds up the doll (can't think of the name) and I threw up.

The doctor gave me Paxil, but can't take it because it is a big pill and I can't swallow it. I was going to crush it, but it says I can't. Guess I have to go back to the doc and see if they have something I can crush. I am going to ask the neuro when I go to Mayo and see if there is anything granular or something I can crush.

THANKS TO ALL WHO HAVE WISHED ME LUCK, LOVE AND PRAYERS.....AND MONKEYS!

deborah

Before waiting to see the Doc again , call the pharmacy where you got that filled and ask them for a liquid alternative. There worst they can say is no, and if there is a liquid they may fill it because they have the original script.

No No No ... the monkeys are not for you , but for the wanna be biker chick that should be reported. Being such a big ass , 10 or 12 monkeys should fit.

[Katie C]

Zaphoon... I'm afraid all the flying cavemen would do is sell the witch insurance before the attack!!

[SMillheiser]

Deborah,

If this happens again PLEASE get some real help! Actually, even though you seem ok now, you should have a relationship with a REAL professional. A good psychiatrist can best evaluate whatever meds you may need. If you aren't covered, let me help you thru my foundation. I'm not on this forum often, but you can reach me best on face book or phone at H) 949-488-9894 C) 949-233-3045.

Stu ALSGuardianAngels.com

[Big Mike]

My psychologist would never give me such lousy advice! He's been nothing but completely supportive of my decision to completely treat this disease and that it is NOT at all dilusional to be thinking of future significant treatments or even a cure because of the incredible advances being made in gene and stem cell research.

[Zaphoon]

Katie, that was pretty funny! Thank you!

[tdamess]

killing yourself would only be an answer for you on a bad day but, ...if you did your love ones will have a bad day every day,...and thou you may think they will understand why you did it ,... the pain you would cause them will only make them feel they didn't do enough , didn't help you enough...take your meds and remember you are not in this alone you have loved ones and we love you ... find a different counselor ask your als doctor for one who understands als and all that comes with it...please don't take this wrong ... i know the heartache of it als and suicide... my best wishes for you and family

[MarianneS]

I take Celexa (citalpram), when I started having difficulty swallowing pills my nurse practioner prescribecd a liquid form. I used to take it by mouth but now it goes into the PEG tube.

[chefdeborah]

Stu I am going to talk to my neuro @ Mayo tomorrow and ask her if there is an alternative med that I can swallow. I am covered...but I appreciate your offer.

Thanks for being there!
deborah

[chefdeborah]

I took Celexa when we lost our daughter. If there is a liquid, I might just ask for that and forget the Paxil altogether. I did well on Celexa.

Thanks to all who have offered support for me. It is just one minute at a time for me right now. I don't know why I am having there ideas to end my life. I am okay and then all of a sudden, I am not. I have never been like this before. Of course, I have never been in this situation before either. I have a friend who is a counselor and I think when I get back from Mayo, I am going to contact him and talk to him and see if he can help me or if he knows someone who can.


Thanks again to all!
deborah

[indigosd]

Honestly I think it is a adverse side effect to the antidepressant! It takes a while to get it built up in your body and it takes just as long for it to clear.

[Katie C]

I agree with Kay Marie.. sounds like you are really still struggling with med side effect. Make sure whoever is prescribing for you knows you had the reaction, and that you've used Celexa without issue in the past. And keep talking to us.

[Kevinski]

having worked in a young offender center for over 25 years and have dealt with many psychologists an psychiatrists,many are very good but some really dont have a clue.book smart people but no people skills.Having A LS i think we all have had that thought of ending it all.But for me its bad karma for our families and i myself could not do it

[chefdeborah]

I NEVER TOOK THE PAXIL. I COULDN'T CRUSH IT, SO I DIDN'T TAKE IT. HAVEN'T TAKEN ANYTHING YET.

deborah

[GlenBrittle]

Hey Deborah,

Just a thought now that you are PEGd. Throw some liquid in a blender and add the paxil - and blend the crap out of it. Then pump it in direct.

Glen

[indigosd]

Deborah, ok, let me get this straight-you have NEVER been on any antidepressant or antianxiety medications? right??

[chefdeborah]

I have been on them when we lost our daughter in 1998. I haven't been on any since this dx. I wanted to go on Pristiq, but make me throw up so I gave the samples back. Took the Paxil rx home and then found out I couldn't crush it. There are so many antidepressants that you CAN'T crush because they are time release. I am going to go back to the dr and see if he can give me a liquid medication. I hope that Celexa comes in a liquid form. That is what I took before.

deborah

[BethU]

Deborah ... my husband takes Paxil, and it's not a time release. It's 10 mg. and there is no warning about time release or do not crush. Your doctor can just write you a script for a smaller dose, and you can take it more often.

I think most time release is just a convenience/selling gimmick.

[chefdeborah]

This is a 20 mg and it does say time release and DO NOT CRUSH. I read it again. I will talk to my doc today and see if I can do anything about this. Thanks
deborah