Need to Vent!

ToughHeart · 09-14-2009, 01:08 AM

My mother was diagnosed with ALS a month ago. Ever since she was diagnosed its been none stop doctor appointments. I'm now staying at home with her to help her around the house and talk on the phone for her as she has problems speaking. I can no longer hold a job because I'm always at home or at the doctors. Her mood has changed drastically. During the day she'll ask me for help and then at night she'll start yelling at me for helping or not helping enough. Just the other day she started yelling for me to hit her? A bit of background, my father passed away before I was born and I have no siblings. I also have no wife or girlfriend. In this life its been my mom and I for a long time. Now I'm feeling very much along in this struggle.

I'm now starting to worry about my own health. I'm not able to sleep properly, I have bad insomnia. I'm constantly worrying. One night after calling my relatives and my friends and not having anyone to talk to I started to cut my arm. I couldn't believe I did it. I'm usually the person talking people out of such behavior. I then started having thoughts of suicide but know that I need to stay strong and healthy to help my mom. But as time goes by and she gets worse the more I think I'm going to lose my mind. I know I'm not the best person to take care of her but I'm all she's got, so I bite the bullet and do my best. How do you help someone when you can't even help yourself? The stress has gotten so immense that I was thinking of going to the hospital to get admitted to a mental institution to help myself. I haven't done that yet because as soon as I feel like giving up and just offing myself or getting admitted I think of my mother.
Life's a game but its not fair

tdamess · 09-14-2009, 01:37 AM

this sounds like a tough problem but, maybe you can get outside help to come in, it maybe too much pressure on you and her you are very depressed and need some one to talk this all out maybe a consulor private or at her doctors office for the als clinic it, may even be time for you to think about a living assistance or nursing home for her, i am at a loss for why she would tell you to hit her and as i see it it's not a good thing. you may also want to be the one to take care of her but, this may not be your type of calling at no fault of your own.... others in here will come along with better advice or a way to cope but this is not an easy thing to go thru ... i wish you the best

shelleynshaggy · 09-14-2009, 04:44 AM

You need to seek help for yourself. See a doctor to see if you can get antidepressents. Seek a counselor for someone to vent to. Look into respite care and contact your local ALSA chapter to see what they can offer. From what I have heard the personality changes can be part of ALS related dementia.

Blackpool · 09-14-2009, 11:06 AM

You are going through a very tough time and need to get support for yourself first. Things then will start to look more like they are managable and with the help and input from outside sources they will be.Peace be with you.

hopeful warrior · 09-14-2009, 01:18 PM

ToughHeart,

PLEASE step back and take some deep breaths. You have got to get some help for your mom. You can NOT do it all and neither of you should expect you to do it all. ALSA, MDA, ALS Guardian Angels, hospice, and private help are ideas that come to mind now. This is a tough road, buddy. You already know that.
Someone suggested anti depressants. I suggest asking for some for your mom, also. There is help available and I desperately hope you and your
mom find some peace in this gut kickin' time.

Al · 09-14-2009, 01:41 PM

ToughHeart, go to ALS Society of Ontario and find the number for the Ottawa area ALS Society. Call them and they can direct you to some help. The ALS Clinic in Ottawa has a social worker. Possibly she can help.
You are not alone.

AL.

GlenBrittle · 09-14-2009, 06:26 PM

I agree with AL.

Call the ALS Rehab center , and ask for Nancy Ridgeway. She is the co-ordinator of all the appointments for the ALS team.

Send me a pm and I will send you here email address.
Glen

Katie C · 09-14-2009, 10:04 PM

I can't really add anything new, but want to second what everyone else has said! There is a reason this is called a "family disease".. it takes a tremendous toll on everyone! It sounds like your mom might have some cognitive involvement... there are several of us on this forum that are facing similar issues, and it just adds another layer of complexity and difficulty to an already complex and difficult issue.

Other suggestions for finding help... if your mom belongs to a church, contact them..let them know what's up. There WILL be people who want to help. Don't be afraid to tell people of your mom's condition.. you have to allow folks in a little.. they can't offer to help if they don't know there's an issue! One thing someone suggested to me early on is make a list of what you need: an occasional meal brought over, someone to stay with your mom so you can get a break, maybe help with the housework. When someone says "What can I do?" pull out your list and let them see it. People will surprise you when given the chance!

Hang in there.. and above all, list to Glen and AL and follow up with the ALS Society... they are there to help!

lisaann1170 · 09-14-2009, 11:39 PM

I have no advice to offer that others haven't already offered, however, I want to say how sorry I am that you feel you have to cope alone.

Clearly, you're a loving person and have your mother's best interest at heart. My dad has ALS and I understand wanting to make things better and feeling responsible for a parent's well-being. It's hard for me to step back and ask help from outsiders. My situation is different in that my mother is still alive, but we've asked for in-home nursing care. It's too much for one person. It's too much for two people!

Take care of yourself, too. I know it's easier said than done. I really do know that.