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BethU · 11-02-2009, 10:31 PM

The most interesting EL experiences for me have been the bouts of euphoria, which were mind-bending. (I say were, because unfortunately, my EL meds have eliminated them too.) They came about in situations where I felt I was seeing the world for the first time, and it was like the first day in Eden. These completely new, mind altering perceptions were extraordinary, and happened in the most mundane situations... the grocery store, riding in a car, etc. After a while I found that I could call up these altered perceptions, and that scared me a little, because I figured I'd get arrested if I stood in the store too long looking around me in amazement.

Another EL I've experienced is rage, and as Hal said, once it was triggered by a logical event. (Most of my breakdowns haven't been.) At the neuro clinic, during an EL drug trial, I was trying to tell the doctor that the latest issue of meds were different and were not working (must have been a bad batch), I got weepy, and she tried to sooth me ... "There, there, I know how it is." And I screamed "THE HELL YOU DO! YOU DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN THING ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE HAVING ALS ..." etc. And lunged at her. Of course, this was with 90% of my speech gone, but she got the message and ran for help with me still screaming. Then the emotion passed, but the screaming, weeping, shrieking, went on uncontrollably for about 20 minutes, while I typed "This is just EL and don't worry about it, it will stop by itself" as people stood around and stared at me.

What I have experienced is that the EXPRESSION of emotion is completely unnatural, to me, at least, and that's what I was told by my neuro happens. Feeling emotions and expressing them happen at two different places in the brain, and the part that is messed up is the expression. I've walked through stores and parking lots shrieking the most gawdawful sounds and sobbing uncontrollably because the bag boy remembered that I take paper and plastic, and I was so touched, I broke down and the EL just took off.

I've never had the laughter, but the sounds I make crying and in anger scare the heck out of me. It's like something pre-human. If I didn't have meds, I'd never leave the house, as there is no warning and it's so humiliating.

11-02-2009, 10:31 PM	#4 (permalink)
BethU Extremely Helpful Member Registered Member Join Date: 2008 City: Los Angeles State: California Country: USA Diagnosed: 05/2008 Posts: 2,859	Re: Emotional Lability insights The most interesting EL experiences for me have been the bouts of euphoria, which were mind-bending. (I say were, because unfortunately, my EL meds have eliminated them too.) They came about in situations where I felt I was seeing the world for the first time, and it was like the first day in Eden. These completely new, mind altering perceptions were extraordinary, and happened in the most mundane situations... the grocery store, riding in a car, etc. After a while I found that I could call up these altered perceptions, and that scared me a little, because I figured I'd get arrested if I stood in the store too long looking around me in amazement. Another EL I've experienced is rage, and as Hal said, once it was triggered by a logical event. (Most of my breakdowns haven't been.) At the neuro clinic, during an EL drug trial, I was trying to tell the doctor that the latest issue of meds were different and were not working (must have been a bad batch), I got weepy, and she tried to sooth me ... "There, there, I know how it is." And I screamed "THE HELL YOU DO! YOU DON'T KNOW A GODDAMN THING ABOUT WHAT IT'S LIKE HAVING ALS ..." etc. And lunged at her. Of course, this was with 90% of my speech gone, but she got the message and ran for help with me still screaming. Then the emotion passed, but the screaming, weeping, shrieking, went on uncontrollably for about 20 minutes, while I typed "This is just EL and don't worry about it, it will stop by itself" as people stood around and stared at me. What I have experienced is that the EXPRESSION of emotion is completely unnatural, to me, at least, and that's what I was told by my neuro happens. Feeling emotions and expressing them happen at two different places in the brain, and the part that is messed up is the expression. I've walked through stores and parking lots shrieking the most gawdawful sounds and sobbing uncontrollably because the bag boy remembered that I take paper and plastic, and I was so touched, I broke down and the EL just took off. I've never had the laughter, but the sounds I make crying and in anger scare the heck out of me. It's like something pre-human. If I didn't have meds, I'd never leave the house, as there is no warning and it's so humiliating.