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Old 12-06-2004, 09:25 PM #5 (permalink)
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Hi Melissa. I am glad at least the ball is rolling to get some answers. Stress can be a funny thing, but I happen to agree that his symptoms seem more then just stress. Carol, do you have an opinion? If the group rereads all of the symptoms you have described, they may have a better view point if they believe this could be ALS. I know they aren't doctors, just a bunch of people who can't agree on the drink of the day...(that is to be a funny of course)...but they have a ton of experience.
There has to be more, and some fresh eyes and a start from the start line may be in order with the doctors.
Regardless of the eventual outcome, there is tons you can do. You may not be able to fix it, but look at the others on this site and how appreciative they are for family, friends and others. It can go a long way to helping. I have met some of them. Tonight was our support meeting but I was tied up with issues at home and couldn't attend. I really needed to be there. I watched some of the group first hand, and I know the support they receive from their loved ones keeps them going.

I understand the emotional roller coaster and the macho "this is my problem to deal with". Wrong, it is both of yours. Illness/crisis will either bring a couple together, or break them up. You have to keep at him that it is important to your relationship as husband and wife. This may sound far fetched, but perhaps writing him a letter telling him this, or sending him an email laced with your love, concerns and all that is building up inside you. Just keep telling him even if you yell, that you love him for my slogan is if I didn't care, I wouldn't be *****ing. I am not living with my friend, he went from us being fine one day to rarely communicating the next. I have heard little from him except to say he needs some time and space to deal with god only knows what. That was the end of October. And it has driven me crazy. I took the same road that you have tried, nice and kind, to get him to melt. Then the *****y tone. None of them has been successful. He is my best friend also, someone I lean on and when you love someone, you want them to come to you with their issues and problems. When they don't, it is upsetting. Today I was really pissed off and fed up, tired of crying, praying, so I emailed him a goodbye letter, and meant it. Outlined basically how I felt about the shut down between us, the damage it was doing to me and us and thew some of his words to me back at him like a boomerang. Of course, I have the freedom to do that. I wasn't sure if he was even getting my messages. After I did so, a major crisis arouse and the first thing I did was to email to tell him I needed to speak to him, it was urgent. Dumb, considering he has barely spoken to me in weeks. Well, at least he emailed back asking if everything was alright at home. I followed later with the details, and will probably wait forever for a reply. I guess my point is, one I have made to him, no matter what, you want to be there, and locking you out is extremely harmful for any relationship no matter what the circumstances are. In your case, as it is somewhat with mine, it is not the illness or medical matters which take over, it is the relationship matters which are the focal point. You are married to him you have to find a way to get through to him and not shut you out.

Keep us posted, and god bless...

Theresa
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