*I too, am sorry for your loss and extend sincere condolences.
*The passing of a beloved husband, father, and pet companion so close together is a lot of sadness to carry all at one time.
The days pass, but grief lingers. Everyone passes through the storm each in their own way, and in their own time.
*Anniversaries of the passing; wedding anniversaries; birthdays; and holidays can all bring forth bitter-sweet feelings. When grief eventually resolves itself, the days become bearable, and can even become celebratory.
*I have a feeling that. guilt is a burden you are carrying. No matter how much one does, there's the feeling it wasn't enough.
Would your husband think that? That you didn't do enough for him? That you were negligent in some way? Instead, if you believe he would praise you for the care and kindness you gave him, why would you deny him? There are times when all we can do, is all we can do. No matter how much we wish it, more than that is beyond our power. There is no shame or guilt in that. Our loved one wouldn't want us to live our life carrying such a burden..
Writing a loved one a letter expressing all the things left unsaid; or whatever is on ones heart, can be cathartic. After writing it, hold the letter and read it once each day, as if you are reading it directly to him. Think of what their response would be. When we apologize to someone or share deep feelings, we don't continue it forever, so set a day when you will no longer read it. Each day the weeping will be less, the pain will be lighter,. Then take it outside, burn the letter, letting the smoke dissipate into the air, and t let the negative feelings float away with it.
*Should you still be anxious and having anxiety attacks, you might be experiencing mild PTSD. It would be best to consult your doctor. There are there to help you. Grief counseling can be very helpful, too. Others sharing their losses and feelings helps one realize they are not alone, and that the overwhelming sadness can be let go.
*Those who have lost loved ones understand the challenges and changes it brings. We know too, that peace can come again to your heart.
* Good luck and may all be well. May blessings abound. B.