jayswife
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2016
- Messages
- 71
- Reason
- CALS
- Diagnosis
- 04/2014
- Country
- US
- State
- ct
- City
- stratford
Hi, Just looking for someone to talk to. I feel so depressed the past few days. I mean I've been sad and have my moments but it just feels like it's taken over my body. I keep picturing Jay when his breathing slowed and then his final breath. I go to work every day and then to go to my parents house to pick up my dog and usually eat with them and then go home to a very lonely house and listen to sad music and cry every night. Our and smoke way to many cigarettes. My dog goes with my parents because he has separation anxiety and tries to break out of the house. He's pushed out air conditioners and gotten out of the house. When we got him Jay was on disability. He always raised pitbulls and was hoping this one would protect me since he couldn't. Well my little boy is scared of everything so I'm not sure that will happen. But I've developed this separation anxiety with my dog as well. I hate leaving him. I know it's not healthy but I feel like he's all I have now. He was our dog and now he's just mine. I refuse to go anywhere because I don't want to leave him - except for work. I'm sure it's underlying issues but it doesn't make it any easier. If I absolutely have to go somewhere, I'm sick to my stomach until I can be back home with him. I haven't gone to counseling or anything and I know I should i just can't get myself to do anything. And I'm so tired of people at work telling I'm too skinny. Well first of all, I have always been thin and second of all they need to give my some time. My husband passed away two months ago and for three years I provided all his care. I mean give me a break. Or they tell me I have circles under my eyes. Yea, I do. It's probably from crying all evening and then waking up during the nights stressing about everything. What is wrong with people? I feel like I'm going to explode on the next person that makes a comment about my appearance. And if they're so concerned then they should have been at my house helping or at least seeing what it is like to care for someone with ALS.
I know this is all over the place I have just have so much that needs to be let out. Thank you for listening.
Amy
I know this is all over the place I have just have so much that needs to be let out. Thank you for listening.
Amy