Hi Everyone,
Well, my cat found another life. He is doing well. Still tired, but to be expected. I had a nurse today, from the ALSA grant. That had already been planned, and was awesome.
I had to get groceries after not shopping for close to 2 weeks. It felt good to get out of the house. I also picked up a few clothing items to add to the couple my DD bought for me the other day. I needed something, as everything is too big.
My GF lives in FL, so yes it's a plane ride. As of this moment I am planning on going. I already have the nurse scheduled and bought my ticket last month. I did buy trip insurance, so even if I need to fly back quickly, that should cover. However, at the moment, I don't have a good reason to use that insurance. And after this roller coaster I need a break. Bascially why I needed some clothes as well. Hotter there than here and no shorts would not cut it. Staying around the house I can get away with stuff that too big, but not away from the house.
This is the 4th time we've been down this path of thinking "this is it". This time was a bit different as he had slowly stopped eating, so it seemed everything was shutting down. The first really close call was pneumonia, I kept wanting to call someone and he would not go. Then at the 9th hour we went to the hospital. They thought he was going to go during the bronch. Not this guy. The next really rough one was when he got sepsis, and was out for 3 days and his pressure was falling and falling. Called everyone in that time too. There was one other bout of pneumonia. The emotional upheaval is stunning.
I know others here will understand, and some may think it cold, but this really threw me for a loop. This is the first time I called the Funeral home to give a heads up. But, I was telling my DD that "while this is hard, I'll be able to come visit you anytime up at PT school". Started planning the funeral service, started planning what things I needed to do after. Losely of course. Things like, getting some painting finished, thinking about selling this place (too big for 1), going back to the gym to get my workouts in. Obviously these things won't happen right away, but just the thought of not being tied to the house 24/7 was appealing. And none of this was written down, just thoughts crossing my brain. It felt good. I should have known better.
I know I will miss Brian terribly and none of the above will matter for a while. I guess it's just been so very long for us, and I've been down this "it's imminent" path a few times before. When it actually does happen, it's going to be a huge shock and none of us will really believe its happening. Like the little boy who cried wolf.
Thank you everyone for holding me up during this trial. It may not be the last time you will travel down this path with me. My man has a very strong will to live, and he's a fighter.
Hugs,
Sue