- Joined
- Jul 25, 2015
- Messages
- 1,606
- Reason
- CALS
- Diagnosis
- 07/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- tx
- City
- Dallas
I know that everyone is dealing with so much so I am hoping that something from my rambling below helps someone else so I don't feel so guilty. I apologize ahead of time but I don't know of any safer place to share my feelings.
I hate this disease for taking my husband from me before he is even gone. He no longer talks to me unless he has to. He no longer wants to hear about my day or thoughts. He doesn't want to talk about his issues or the future. I can ask him how he is doing and he says the same thing every time. I am good. I watch all the changes in silence. His legs, hands, neck, breathing, eating, weight and his face. It breaks my heart.
This is the man who loved me for 17 years. He is the one who taught me to love, trust and help me to put the nightmares of my childhood behind me. Because of him, I was able to create a successful career and always felt loved. Now, he doesn't let me help him at all. Thank goodness for his brother.
I am so unhappy when I come home and I can't bear the silence or emptiness. I work myself to death. I can't share these thoughts with anyone because everyone believes I am so strong. That is so far from the truth.
I am still messed up and guilt ridden from my moms sudden death in Feb. How can anyone have stage 4 cancer that is living with you and you not know?
I don't have the extra time or money to seek council but am on 100mg of Zoloft and take sleeping pills but feel like I am in some horrible nightmare and am screaming from the inside. I feel like I have lost everything and am on the edge of a cliff. I know I will wake up tomorrow and make it through another day but dang it this disease blows. No kisses, no hugs, no tenderness, no words, just silence.
I hate this disease for taking my husband from me before he is even gone. He no longer talks to me unless he has to. He no longer wants to hear about my day or thoughts. He doesn't want to talk about his issues or the future. I can ask him how he is doing and he says the same thing every time. I am good. I watch all the changes in silence. His legs, hands, neck, breathing, eating, weight and his face. It breaks my heart.
This is the man who loved me for 17 years. He is the one who taught me to love, trust and help me to put the nightmares of my childhood behind me. Because of him, I was able to create a successful career and always felt loved. Now, he doesn't let me help him at all. Thank goodness for his brother.
I am so unhappy when I come home and I can't bear the silence or emptiness. I work myself to death. I can't share these thoughts with anyone because everyone believes I am so strong. That is so far from the truth.
I am still messed up and guilt ridden from my moms sudden death in Feb. How can anyone have stage 4 cancer that is living with you and you not know?
I don't have the extra time or money to seek council but am on 100mg of Zoloft and take sleeping pills but feel like I am in some horrible nightmare and am screaming from the inside. I feel like I have lost everything and am on the edge of a cliff. I know I will wake up tomorrow and make it through another day but dang it this disease blows. No kisses, no hugs, no tenderness, no words, just silence.
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