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Old 11-17-2014, 06:44 AM #1 (permalink)
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Nuts Nuts is offline
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Join Date: 2014
City: Littleton
State: North Carolina
Country: US
Diagnosed: 01/2014
Interest: I lost a loved one to ALS/MND.
Posts: 2,450
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Nuts Nuts is offline
Extremely Helpful Member

Nuts's Avatar
Join Date: 2014
City: Littleton
State: North Carolina
Country: US
Diagnosed: 01/2014
Interest: I lost a loved one to ALS/MND.
Posts: 2,450
Nuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud ofNuts has much to be proud of
Default Wake up call and hard choices

Three years ago my mom fell and broke her hip. She was 77, very frail, still working, and has had the use of only one arm and hand since the age of 4. My husband made it possible for me to go to California where I spent every day in the hospital or nursing home until I could get her out of the nursing home and move with her to my sister's home. He said "bring her home with you", and I did. While catching up on long neglected medical care we learned that she has Parkinson's. When the one year I expected to care for her day and night turned into three, he made it possible. We planned to care for her here for the rest of her life. Then ALS changed everything. I think I've known intellectually that I would not be able to care for both of them here, myself, but I've not really faced it. She's been progressing in her disease and has taken several falls. Friday we spent the day in the ER having her checked out from the latest. While waiting for exray results I feel apart. It hit me that I had left my husband alone, something I could not have done two weeks ago and will not be able to do in the future. Sobbing like a baby I told her that I can't do this. She already knew and had been expecting it, but it's so very hard.

I contacted my sister who immediately started researching assisted living near her home. I have such mixed emotions about that. We'd planned to keep her home for the rest of her life. Not only am I faced with what's to come with my husband, but I'm forced to renig on the promise we made to my mother. ARGH!

Last night one hour after I finally went to sleep she got up to use the bathroom. She got there ok, but dropped her cane. She made it back to her room, but was afraid to try to get into bed by herself, so she turned on the light and sat in a chair to read. My husband woke, saw the light on, and went down the hall ( probably without his cane or walker) and helped her get into bed. Neither of them wanted to wake me. Thoughtful, but what would I have found had they both fallen? I tripped over a pillow on the floor and the look of alarm on his face echoed one of my great fears--what if something happens to me? This is not safe for any of us.

Well, I guess it is for the best that I've accepted this reality now, before it becomes even harder for her to make this move and before we face a real crises (exrays showed now new damage from the fall, so muscle pain and weakness is why we're back to having to walk her everywhere and help her wth everything).

Perhaps this should have gone in the rants forum. I'm heartbroken. My lovely husband says wait...he's getting stronger after his surgery and is needing less help every day and she'll not get better care anywhere than she gets here. He's always been a caretaker. I've fallen further down the rabbit hole, but I know enough to accept this timely warning and act on it while I can call some of the shots. So, I'm going to be positive. She will be away from the daily stress of watching what's going on here and she will have people around her to socialize with. She will be very close to my sister and will be able to visit often. We will have more freedom while he is still able to enjoy it (we pick up the wheel chair van today thank God).

Of course, I logged on today after being away for several days only to find more losses, and I'm humbled. I whined anyway. I'm rambling, but feel better for it. Thank you for giving me a place to vent. I HATE this monster, but I LOVE all of you.
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