Hi Dad,

 Hi Dad,

              It's only been six months since you passed but it seems longer then that to me. I miss you so much. Cindy, is driving me crazy trying to control me all the time. I know she means well but I am about to go crazy with her need to control my every move.

                 You would have been so proud of Matthew and Julie. They graduated this past Sunday and I know you were with them in spirit. All of Brian's family was there and naturally Cindy. It was so hard to get through the day without you being there. I made it ok until that night. Cindy left to do something with Julie. Then the tears started to flow for a good hour. It was a mixture of sadness and anger that you weren't around to see the twins big day.

         Cindy being the dictator that she is doesn't think I should open the pool this year. I am going too hell or high water. I have been through enough and deserve to have some kind of enjoyment out of life. She is constantly on my case about how much money I spend on eating out etc. She claims I spend more then I'm making etc. I wish she'd mind her own f-ing business. Sorry, for cussing but she is so domineering that I get chest pains after talking to her. The weekend was pure hell have her there watching my every move. I currently have her blocked on my phone so she can't call or text me. You would tell me to calm down I know. You would say just ignore her that "Cindy is just Cindy and that is how she is." Paul doesn't contact me that much so as far as family she is all I have to rely on now that you're gone. I so wish I could talk to you about things.

      I will turn 50 on June 9th as you know. It will be my first birthday without you. You know in the past how depressed I get on my birthdays. I am dreading this one too. It seems like I always find out how little friends I have on this day.  Then in the back of my mind I think of how mom found out she had cancer just a few weeks after she turned 50 and then she died at 55.  It's kind of scary to think of.

I still don't know what to do about Brian. I am tired of things just staying in limbo land. But, i love him dad. I keep thinking in my mind that it would do me good to change the legal separation to a full fledge divorce. But, I think that would literally kill me to do. I don't want to lose him completely. But, dad I'm so miserable the way things are now. He started a new job a few months back and sometimes puts in well over 16 hr days anymore. He's exhausted and basically just sleeps when he goes to his home because he has no energy for anything else. Then I feel neglected when what little energy he can muster he uses it to spend on the kids.

   I love you so much dad and miss you terribly.    Kim

   

 

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