January 23, 2008

I went to Starbucks with my friend who is a counselor on Saturday. During our discussion she encouraged me to journal my thoughts, feelings, etc., during this journey toward a diagnosis and beyond. I thought that the blog feature here would be a great place to start. I have had symptoms since late July 2007. It all started one Sunday after church while my daughter and I were shopping. I noticed that my speech sounded slightly slurred, sort of like it would when I would have a drink (I have always been a lightweight and one drink is all I could ever have) or a pain pill. At first it scared me, but I soon dismissed it as stress (I was in the process of getting a divorce after 17 years of marriage) or maybe I was coming down with a virus or something. But after a week, when it didn't go away, I realized I needed to see a doctor. My mother had a hemorrhagic stroke in August of 2005, so I knew that I couldn't ignore a symptom like slurred speech. So I went to my GP, a friend who we used to go to church with, and he promptly ordered an MRI. When it came back, everything was OK. So I waited almost two months, but went back in October when I noticed that as I walked, my foot would occasionally drag for a stride. This time he had blood drawn, but all the tests were negative. He then sent me to a neurologist that had been his neurology professor in medical school. On my first visit he ordered six additional blood tests, and at the second visit told me that they all were fine. By this time I was having swallowing difficulties and had fallen quite hard one afternoon. Last Monday, January 14, 2008, I went to my neurologist for the third time. He performed an EMG and told me he is referring me to Dr. S.H. Appel in Houston. When I asked what he thought it could be he said, 'Well, there is this rare disease that is most often called Lou Gehrig's Disease...' At that I had a knot in my stomach and as he began to explain why he feels that this is what I have, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. He said that he could not give me a diagnosis yet, because it is not in 3 limbs yet, but every patient that he has had with my symptoms and test results like mine has been eventually diagnosed with ALS. So the last week has been strange to say the least. I came back to school on Monday and told my principal. Then I sent an email to friends requesting prayer. Tuesday afternoon my principal and 12 other teachers met in my room after school to lay hands on me and pray. Wednesday night I went to choir which ended with a prayer time for me. I received dozens of emails, some from friends that had received my email 'through the grapevine'. Others from people I have never met, that my friends had forwarded to them requesting prayer for me. I have had moments that I have been terrified about finances, disability, death, and other moments that I feel so positive and wonderful. I went to my Jazzercise 100 Club Party Friday night. It is for all the gals who attended class at least 100 times last year. On the way home I thought about next year. How long will I be able to continue to go? To exercise or walk at all? Will I get to 100 this year? Today I found out that my two boys, 6 and 9, will be having their tonsils out next Thursday. So today I feel like Rosanna Rosannadanna, 'It's always something!' More doctors bills, more time off work. But in the back of my head I hear, 'But my God shall supply all your needs, according to his riches in glory, by Christ Jesus.' I know that He will supply my needs and I know that he will walk with me on this journey, because ultimately, He is all I need.